


The Archives

by ArtemisRayne



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M, word of the day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 27,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisRayne/pseuds/ArtemisRayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of drabbles and oneshots, all based on word-of-the-day prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Endemic

Endemic: (adj.) Belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place.

* * *

"Don't you think it's weird how the Troubles only seem to exist here in Haven?"

Nathan pauses in the middle of the brief he's writing and glances across the office at his partner. Audrey is staring at him, her expression curious while she chews at the end of her pen. He doesn't bother asking why she's doing paperwork in his office instead of hers, mostly because he doesn't actually want her to leave. He returns her gaze for a moment before he says, "What do you mean?"

"The Troubles," Audrey repeats flatly. "They don't really happen anywhere else. Just here. It's like Haven is it's own little world, separate from everything else."

"People do move in and out of Haven," Nathan points out. "A lot, actually. I did."

"But then you came back," Audrey says. "It seems like they all do. Like Marion Caldwell, her family moved out of Haven after the Troubles last time, and then she ended up right back here again. Or Vanessa, she came back too. And Ezra and Tobias. It's always for different reasons, but they all come. There's something weird about it. Whenever the Troubles start up again, all of the Afflicted people seem to come right back into town." She hesitates and adds, "Like me. Or Lucy, or whoever I am."

Nathan frowns, because he's not fond of this line of speculation. He doesn't care who or what she might have been before. She's Audrey Parker, his best friend and partner, now, and that's all that matters to him. "Might be coincidence," he says unconcernedly and shrugs. From the sofa Audrey rolls her eyes sceptically. "Or maybe it happens that way because it's supposed to," he continues. "The Troubles aren't meant for the whole world, just for Haven. So that's where they happen. That's why we keep coming back - all of us. Because we're meant to be here."

Audrey gnaws on the back of her pen again for a few moment's, her gaze thoughtful, and then that playful blue stare flicks up to his face. "Wow, Wuornos, that was deep," she teases.

"It happens occasionally," Nathan responds casually. He signs the bottom of his paper with a flourish and adds, "But it always takes a lot out of me."

"Lemme guess," Audrey cuts in drolly, "that means you need to replenish yourself with pancakes, right?"

"I was going to say beer," Nathan says, standing up and tucking away his files. "But I like your idea more." He grabs his jacket from the hook by the door and glances back at her, still sitting on his sofa. "You coming?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm kinda hungry," Audrey agrees with a smirk. She hip-checks him on the way out the door, they banter lightly about the radio station in the truck, and then they're settled into a booth at the local diner with a plate of pancakes in front of each of them. Their hands brush when Nathan passes her the syrup, and as he feels a shock of electricity shoot up his arm from the contact he realises maybe he was right earlier; this is exactly where they're meant to be.


	2. Bandersnatch

Bandersnatch: (n.) An imaginary wild animal of fierce disposition.

* * *

"Mandy, sweetie, it's okay," Audrey said soothingly, not taking her eyes off the young girl sitting huddled in a corner of the room. "It's not real, it's not going to hurt you."

"Make it go away!" the little girl shrieked in terror, burying her face in her knees. Audrey glanced around the room again but couldn't see anything, although Nathan was standing in the doorway and staring uncertainly at a spot in the middle of the room.

"I can't make it go away," Audrey told her gently. "But you can, Mandy. All you have to do is imagine it gone and it will disappear. I promise."

Mandy looked up and then let out a frantic scream at the same time that Nathan stumbled backwards into the wall. Audrey's eyes widened as she saw several gashes appear in the sleeve of his jacket, red soaking into the fabric. She immediately turned back to Mandy, taking several shuffling steps closer to her and crouching down beside her. "You can do this, Mandy," she urged her. "It will listen to you, so long are you're brave. You can make all of this stop."

"I can't, I can't," Mandy sobbed. When Audrey tried to place a hand on her shoulder she shied away. "Don't touch me, you'll get hurt too. Everyone gets hurt 'cause me."

"You won't hurt me, I promise," Audrey said and laid her hand on the girl's shoulder. "See? And you can stop anyone else from getting hurt too. You can do this, Mandy. You can make it go away. You can stop it from hurting anyone." Mandy looked up at her plaintively, her eyes wide and tearful. "I'll be right here with you. Together we can make this stop. Will you help me?" Audrey stood up and held her hand out to the girl. Mandy regarded it for a second, glancing between Audrey and the open area in the middle of the room, and then she took Audrey's outstretched hand and stood up.

"That's right," Audrey assured her. "Now tell it. Tell it to go away. To disappear and never come back. Can you do that? Imagine it disappearing."

Mandy gripped her hand and then narrowed her eyes at the middle of the room. "Go away," she said, her voice trembling. Audrey squeezed her hand reassuringly and Mandy repeated, "Go away!"

"It's working," Nathan said quietly, his eyes fixed on the same place as Mandy's.

"You're doing it," Audrey said encouragingly. "Go ahead, Mandy, make it vanish. You can do it."

"Go away!" Mandy bellowed. There was a pause, and then a surprised look flashed across her face. "It's gone," she said, and looked up at Audrey. "It disappeared like magic."

"You did it, Mandy," Audrey said. "You saved us all. So you remember that, okay? If you ever see something bad coming, or another monster comes for you, you can fix it. You can make the bad monsters go away." The little girl threw her arms around her waist and Audrey returned the hug lightly. "Alright, let's go find your mum, okay?"

"Mum!" Mandy shouted joyfully and she ran out of the room, tearing off through the house. Audrey instantly crossed the room to Nathan, who was standing off to the side of the door.

"How are you?" she asked anxiously.

"I'm fine," Nathan said and then followed her gaze to his bleeding arm. "Oh. Well I'm mostly fine."

"C'mon, we've got to get you patched up," Audrey said.

"It's fine, I can't feel it," Nathan said with a shrug. Audrey gave him a pointed look and then reached a hand toward his arm. Nathan jerked back in alarm. "Okay, I get your point. Just don't touch it." He followed her out of the house, to where a small gathering of people were waiting outside the police barricade, including Mandy's mother who gave them a grateful look as she hugged her daughter to her chest.

Ten minutes later Nathan was sitting on the tailgate of the ambulance, his arm freshly bandaged by the EMT. "See, I told you I'm fine," Nathan said, pulling his destroyed jacket back on. "Don't even need stitches." Audrey rolled her eyes at his obstinance. "How did you know that would work?" he asked, changing the subject. "That she could just imagine it away?"

"I didn't," Audrey admitted. "I just figured if she imagined it there, she could imagine it away too."

"Good thing it worked too, because that thing really didn't like me," Nathan said with a smirk. "Now I know why the Chief always told me having an over-active imagination was dangerous."

"Okay Nathan, hop in the back," the EMT said, coming back around the ambulance and pointing into the back.

"Why? You said I'm fine," Nathan protested.

"Those are animal scratches," the EMT said. "Gotta take you up to the hospital and run some tests, make sure you didn't pick up anything from whatever beast took a swipe at you. You never know what diseases those things are carrying around." Nathan looked like he was going to argue again but Audrey reached up and flicked his ear, and then pointed into the ambulance. He scowled at her, but grudgingly climbed in.

"Do you really think this is necessary?" Nathan complained when she climbed in next to him, now rubbing his ear in annoyance. "It wasn't even a real animal."

"It was real enough to try and peel the skin off your arm," Audrey pointed out. "Could be real enough to have rabies."

Nathan snorted derisively. "Parker, you really think I caught rabies from an imaginary bear-wolf-lion thing?" he said drolly. She glared at him in response, bracing herself as the ambulance took off up the road. "And I thought that little girl had a wild imagination."


	3. Druthers

Druthers: (n.) One's own way, choice, or preference.

* * *

Duke Crocker was well used to getting things his way. It wasn't that things naturally worked out in his favour. Far from it, actually. It was just that he had a peculiar talent for working the situation until things turned out in a way that was profitable for him. It was something he'd been good at since a kid, one of the few things he could actually be grateful to his worthless father for teaching him. In fact to his memory, conning people was the  _only_  thing his dead-beat dad actually taught him, apart from how to duck beneath a thrown beer bottle and curse in multiple languages.

Even as a kid, Duke had been great at working people. A primary school teacher had likened him to Tom Sawyer once when he was busted for tricking a couple of kids on the playground into trading him their best toys for worthless trinkets he'd picked up around the docks. He liked the comparison. Tom Sawyer was smart and cunning, and those were two traits Duke prized. Of course his teacher hadn't meant it as a compliment and he'd gotten suspended from school for a few days, but he didn't mind. He knew it was a talent and he vowed to put it to good use.

And he did. Even though people knew about his talent for tricks, they still hung around with him. People knew staying on his good side meant scoring things that couldn't be found anywhere else. So in exchange for sneaking games and smokes and alcohol to other kids, he was popular and well liked and could get any girl that he really wanted just by nicking a piece of cheap jewellery from the hidden recesses in his father's ship. He was able to avoid his father's wrath by spending the majority of his time with his large crowd of friends and crashing other places except when he knew Simon Crocker would be elsewhere. It was a sporadic and wild existence, and he loved it.

He never changed even as he grew up. After winning his ship in a gamble he expanded his childhood job into a full-blown career, getting unattainable products for anyone who was willing to pay the right price for his services. He stayed just out of the radar of the officials and his business flourished. He wooed every woman he met, sealed every job he delivered, and toasted his success every night with the best alcohol that could be had. Eventually one of the women he charmed won him in return, and on a wildly romantic whim they signed a paper that bound them for eternity. So after a day of smuggling and adventure, he went to sleep in the arms of a woman with the same zealous passion for life that he carried. Life was good.

At least until the Troubles came back. He started hearing whispers of them through his contacts; hearing stories of strange things happening in his hometown; strange things that seemed eerily familiar to that time almost three decades ago when similar peculiarities had plagued the little seaside town. He put it off as long as he could, but every night when he drifted off to sleep he was haunted by a promise he'd made to his father, just before the man had up and died. His promise rang in his ears until he would wake up in a cold sweat. And he knew that he wouldn't be able to escape it any longer. It was time to leave behind everything that he'd worked for and return to the place he never wanted to see again.

So he dialled down his business, slipped beneath the radar of all but his most confidential clients, and cut off all traces that might have led to him. While his wife was out on a job, he left without a word, and three days later he was docked in Haven, Maine. That first night, as he sat on his empty bed and stared out the porthole to the familiar coastline, he knew that this was just the beginning. Everything was going to change from here, and judging by the way it was starting he could tell that it wasn't going to work out in his favour this time.

No, this here was just the beginning of the end.


	4. Vesuvian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major spoilers for the series two finale.

Vesuvian: (adj.) Volcanic; of, pertaining to, or resembling Mount Vesuvius.

* * *

It was explosive, the way the anger filled him. The moment his eyes landed on the whistle all of the fear and anxiety that he'd felt vanished beneath a wave of rage the likes of which he'd never known. It didn't so much come over him as explode inside of him, consuming his every molecule instantaneously. It was staggering and agonising, burning at his insides. His mind was racing and he couldn't breathe. The only things he could focus on were the whistle in his hand and the rage coursing through his veins.

He had never felt so angry. Even in the time when a piano tune had robbed him of his sanity, he hadn't been this furious. Then his only inclination had been to find Duke and cause him all of the pain that Nathan had not felt since Duke brought his Affliction back. He meant to hurt and humiliate him. This time was different. This time he wanted more than just pain. He wanted revenge. He wanted blood.

And as he turned and charged out of Audrey's ransacked apartment, he was bound and determined to get it.


	5. Pica

Pica: (n.) An abnormal appetite or craving for substances that are not fit to eat.

* * *

Audrey shook her head. "I have no idea how you don't weigh three hundred pounds."

Nathan glanced up at her over the vinyl-topped table and then shrugged. "Metabolism," was his typical one-word answer before he went back to the large plate of pancakes in front of him. Audrey rolled her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich before returning her attention to her partner. He was currently sliding a piece of pancake through a puddle of syrup, the sticky liquid dripping in trails as he lifted it to his mouth.

"I'm pretty sure it's not healthy to eat those so much," Audrey pointed out. "Have you ever heard of diabetes? It's what you get when you eat way too much sugar, like the gallons of maple syrup you're currently chowing down on."

Nathan snorted. "Says the woman who ate three dozen cupcakes a few weeks ago."

"It was only two," Audrey rebutted, but even she knew it was a weak argument. Nathan smirked triumphantly at her across the table. "Oh shut up and eat your pancakes."


	6. Titubant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tag to episode 2x08 "Friend or Faux."

Titubant: (n.) A disturbance of body equilibrium in standing or walking, resulting in an uncertain gait and trembling.

* * *

Audrey grunted as Nathan staggered against her side. "I told you you should've stopped before that last shot," she muttered, trying to right him on his feet.

"Maybe," he agreed distractedly, squinting down at his feet as if trying to remember how they worked. "Where'd Milly go?"

"Home," Audrey answered, still struggling to stop her much taller partner from collapsing on top of her. Where was Duke when she needed him? "An hour ago. Remember?"

"Nope," Nathan said unconcernedly, a lopsided grin on his face. Audrey wanted to be annoyed with him, and with his extreme drunkenness and shameless flirting with that brunette from the bar, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. He'd had a rough day and she figured he deserved a chance to unwind. Of course it was a lot harder to be understanding as she was wrestling to get him to walk up the steps outside the Gull when it seemed like he could barely stand at all. "Where we going?" he asked curiously.

"To put you to bed," Audrey informed him, trying to nudge his leg so he'd take a step. Unfortunately he didn't get the hint and all it succeeded in doing was making him stumble forward again.

"I can drive," Nathan rebutted. He lifted his arm off her shoulders, took a step, and very nearly fell on the stairs. Audrey seized his arm and dragged it back around her shoulders, supporting his weight as he steadied himself again. "No I can't," he said, changing his mind with a shake of his head.

"I know you can't," Audrey said with a laugh. "That's why you're crashing on my sofa tonight. It's pretty comfortable."

"Wouldn't know if it wasn't," Nathan pointed out, gripping her shoulder tightly as they climbed another step. They made it the rest of the way up the stairs with only a few more stumbles, and finally Audrey was awkwardly opening the door to her apartment with one hand as the other clutched Nathan's belt to keep him standing. She deposited him on the sofa and then sank down next to him, panting with the effort of getting him up there. Nathan sprawled out lazily and leaned his head onto the back of the settee, his eyelids drooping. "Everything's still moving," he murmured, arching an eyebrow at her.

Audrey snorted. "That's what happens when you drink that much whiskey," she informed him.

"Mmm," Nathan slurred, blinking slowly. She almost thought he was going to fall asleep, when his eyes suddenly opened again and he looked around thoughtfully. "Where'd Milly go?"

"She went home," Audrey repeated in amusement, trying to quell the strange twist in her stomach that she told herself was just protectiveness for her partner. That's all it was, she was just concerned about him being manipulated by that pretty woman. It definitely wasn't jealousy. "And you're going to sleep."

"M'kay," he agreed. Audrey stood up to grab a pillow from the linen closet and when she came back Nathan had stretched out across the sofa, his legs just a bit too long for her furniture. He took the proffered pillow and tucked it under his head, snuggling down into the cushions. "Ya know, it's not fair I can get drunk but not feel it," he grumbled thoughtfully.

"You'll be grateful you can't feel it in the morning," Audrey informed him. "And you might not feel drunk, but you sure sound it." She regarded her partner for a moment, taking in the distance in his eyes and the furrows in his forehead. "How are you holding up with everything?"

" 'm fine," Nathan said dismissively, twisting his head to bury his face in the pillow. "They're not gonna chase me away."

Audrey smiled. "Glad to hear it," she said. "Okay, get some sleep now. It's back to the grind tomorrow." She reached forward and brushed Nathan's bangs off his warm forehead, and he hummed and pressed his head against her palm.

"Your hands are soft," he murmured with a small smile. It quickly dissolved into a yawn and Audrey touched his arm gently before getting up and walking over to the bed. She had just settled down under the covers when she saw Nathan's head peeking up over the arm of the sofa. "Night, Parker," he said with a lazy grin.

Audrey chuckled as he laid down again. "G'night, Nathan," she answered. He gave a quiet hum and then a few minutes later the apartment was filled with the sounds of his soft snores.


	7. Jaundiced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's second-person POV.

Jaundiced: (adj.) Affected with or exhibiting prejudice, as from envy or resentment.

* * *

You try not to hate him. You really do. It just never works out very well.

You and Duke were friends once. Things were strained when you were young kids, because you were the freak that felt nothing and no one really wanted to be around you. But after a while your condition went away and you became a normal kid like everyone else. During that time you became friends. You went to the same parties, hung out around the docks after school and shared fantasies about getting out of Haven and having adventures in the real world.

But still, somewhere in the back of your mind you always remembered picking thumb tacks out of your skin and a jeering laugh. You got good at ignoring that voice in the back of your mind, but that didn't make it go away.

Years pass. You go to college in Orono, get a degree and learn what it feels like to be a real person. You put everything to do with your hometown behind you and enjoy yourself. And then once the diploma is in your hand you load all of your things into your trusty old Bronco and drive straight back to Haven.

You've only been in town for about two months when suddenly a new ship docks at the marina and Duke Crocker is seen around again. He finds you one night when you're leaving work and it's just like old times. That weekend you going out fishing together and trade stories about what you did while you were away from home. At least, until the coast guard ship shows up on the horizon and you find out just exactly why he asked if you were carrying your badge before you set sail.

All of that hurt and betrayal that you've suppressed all these years, all of those old animosities and rage that you've carried since you were a kid, it all washes to the surface in a great tidal wave and drags you under. And it takes your sense of touch with it.

Deep down you know it's irrational to blame it all on him. Yes, he was the catalyst that brought your Affliction back, but it wasn't like he made a conscious decision to cause it. He didn't know that his being an insufferable, unreliable pain in the ass would make your Trouble come back. Of course that doesn't change the fact that in your mind, Duke Crocker will always be linked to the fact that you feel nothing again.

So you try to play nice with him, because Audrey likes him for some reason and it annoys her when you two fight. You tolerate his presence. You resist the urge to punch his face in every time he flashes you that stupid smirk, and every time he tries to charm his way into your partner's jeans - that latter one is a bit harder to resist than the first, oddly. After a while you and Duke even muster up a tentative sort of friendship again, to the point where you don't feel like committing murder at the very thought of his name.

But in the back of your mind, there will always be a part of you that hates Duke Crocker.


	8. Etiology

Etiology: (n)  _In Pathology_  the study of the causes of diseases.

* * *

"She is the cause." Reverend Edmund Driscoll prodded his finger into the wrinkled picture, staring over at Simon Crocker with a scowl. "She is the cause of the cycle, and if we're ever going to free this town of the curse then we need to get rid of her."

"We've tried that," Simon pointed out.

"Oh we've Erased her before, yes," Edmund agreed. "But we need to finish her."

Simon smirked. "So that's why you want me," he said slowly, putting the pieces together. "You want me to deal with her."

"We both know what you can do, Simon," Edmund said. "You cure people. Cleanse their souls. Well her soul is the darkness that is keeping us all under. If you free her soul, then we won't have to worry about this repeating again in the future. We can continue our work knowing that it will be successful."

Simon drew the short knife from his belt and fingered it pensively. "So you think that if I'm the one to kill her, that this time she'll stay gone," he clarified.

"It's what your father believed as well," Edmund said. Simon fought to keep his surprise from showing.

"What do you know about my father?" Simon asked suspiciously.

"He fought for our cause as well," Edmund informed him solemnly. "He joined us the last time this woman was here, when her name was Sarah. And he died trying to rid this place of her filth." He leaned forward over the table pointedly and added, "She was the one who killed him."

The dagger slipped from Simon's grip and clattered loudly on the tabletop. He knew that his father had been murdered, but he had never been able to find out who had done it. He'd always assumed that one of his trading deals had gone badly. But this... "How do you know?"

Edmund smiled darkly. "Before he died he left this in my possession, to give to you when the time was right," he said and from inside his coat he drew an aged journal and passed it across the table. "He collected all of his notes in this, on the Troubles and his work against them. It should help you."

Simon flicked through the pages curiously. The entries dated back several generations, to his great-grandfather Rupert Crocker and a woman named Margaret. There were lists of Troubled families with annotations of Afflictions in the margins, some of the names scratched through with red ink and a date. Near the middle there was a roughly drawn sketch of some sort of maze, with a person standing at each of the four cardinal points.

And throughout the whole thing was the same face, the woman with the rounded cheeks and bright eyes and fierce stare. There were differences in them all, but there was no doubt that they were the same woman. The woman who now went by Lucy Ripley.

Toward the back were several blank pages, but just before that he found a letter addressed to him, written in his father's hand. It was short and to the point, telling him everything that the newly appointed reverend had just told him. Simon brushed his fingers over the signature at the bottom of the page, and then picked up the dagger he'd dropped.

Looking up, he met Reverend Driscoll's gaze and nodded. "I'll do it."


	9. Flaxen

Flaxen: (adj.) Of the pale yellowish colour of dressed flax or linen.

* * *

Nathan loved the colour of Audrey's hair. Mostly people would just classify it as blonde and leave it there, but he knew that it was so much more than that.

The top layer was a soft white gold, like the rays of sunlight at high noon. There was a layer beneath that which was slightly darker and richer, a heady vanilla colour that grew progressively darker as it descended. When she stood under the florescent lighting of the station, her hair turned a bright yellow, like corn at the peak of harvest. While wet it was the soft earthen brown of the sand along the coastline beneath the ocean's grasping fingers. And in the sun, her hair was a beautiful, pure white that swept around her head like an angel's halo.

"Earth to Nathan."

Nathan blinked and realised that Audrey was staring at him curiously. "Sorry, what?" he asked bemusedly.

"Welcome back Captain Space Cadet," Audrey said and laughed. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Nathan answered shortly, still watching where she was curling a lock of that golden hair around her fingers in his peripheral vision. "Just thinking. You were saying?"

As Audrey launched back into her story, Nathan made more of an effort to listen even though he couldn't take his eyes off that blonde curl in her grip and decided that Audrey Blonde was his new favourite colour.


	10. Cosmogony

Cosmogony: (n.) A theory or story of the origin and development of the universe.

* * *

Nathan couldn't stop a small smirk when he heard the faint scuff of feet from behind him. "Are you stalking me, Parker?"

Audrey snorted as she came around to sit on the bench beside him. "Please, you wish," she said.

"Then how'd you find me?" Nathan asked curiously.

"I've learned that you Wuornos' are a fairly predictable people," Audrey pointed out drolly. "You always come here when you want to think."

"And you're here because...?" Nathan prompted, distantly wondering why he wasn't more bothered by the fact that she knew him so well already.

"I was bored," she said and shrugged. Nathan grinned at her nonchalant answer as she relaxed back into the bench, tilting her head back and staring up at the sky. They sat in quiet for a few minutes until she asked, "So, are you a Big Bang guy?"

"What?" Nathan asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Big Bang Theory," Audrey explained. "You know, the formation of the universe thing. Do you believe in Big Bang or something else?"

"I don't know, I've never really thought about it much I guess," Nathan answered. "You?"

"I'm a Big Bang person," Audrey said. "It's the one that makes the most sense really, I think. At least that's the one all the evidence points to right now."

"Who would've thought you'd actually commit yourself to something logical just because of a little evidence," Nathan teased. Audrey elbowed his side but he only noticed because he saw her moving out of the corner of his eye. "No theories on aliens or supernatural phenomenons?"

Audrey rolled her eyes dramatically. "Just because Haven doesn't comply to the normal laws of the universe doesn't mean the rest of it doesn't," she said simply.

Nathan nodded thoughtfully and then turned his gaze up at the stars. It was a mostly clear night, only a few wisps of dark clouds obscuring the glittering heavens. He regarded them for a moment and then said, "I think there's more to it than just some explosion though. There's got to be some sort of higher power that caused it, that brought all of those particles together to start it all off, I mean."

"You think?" Audrey asked and she leaned her head sideways to glance at him. As she did a lock of her hair fell and brushed ever so slightly against his neck, and he had to withhold a shudder. "Like some sort of great power of Fate that puts things where they're supposed be?"

"Well not puts them there, exactly," Nathan corrected. "More like just nudges them in the right direction."

Audrey hummed and then nodded, looking skyward again. "That makes sense," she agreed idly. There was a long pause and then she said, "Do you think that applies to everything? Like not just the stars and planets, but the people too?"

"Sure," Nathan said.

"So we're here, doing this, because it's what we're supposed to be doing," Audrey continued and Nathan sensed the shift in her voice, from playful musing to a serious question. "Because this is where we're meant to be. Where I'm meant to be."

And the only answer he had to that was, "Yes."

"Okay," Audrey said and settled herself into the bench again. Nathan smiled at her simple acceptance of it and they lapsed into a comfortable quiet together, both staring up at the stars above them. They were so many, and so far away, but Nathan was positive that among that enormous galaxy, whether it was fate or not, he was exactly where he should be.


	11. Askance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's a response to "Jaundiced," talking about the situation from Duke's point of view this time.

Askance: (adv.) With suspicion, mistrust, or disapproval.

* * *

Nathan will never completely trust you again.

You know that and have known it for a while. For a while you tried to convince yourself that things had changed, that he had put the past behind you both and was willing to accept you again, but you know as much as he does that those thoughts are still there. He's always going to remember you as the kid who played pranks on him, or who used his power to his advantage. And really you wish he'd just get over it already.

It's not that you're defending what you did. Yes, some of your childhood pranks got out of hand. Definitely should've stopped when bloodshed started. But you were eight years old. Eight year old boys do stupid things all the time. They don't think about possibly psychologically scarring affects of their actions. They just live in the moment and  _do_. And you know you probably shouldn't have just assumed he'd be willing to help you out with your little smuggling job. It's just that when you were teenagers he never seemed to have much of a problem with what you did. Sure, he wasn't the most supportive, but he never objected it.

When he turned on you on the boat, you were just as upset as he was, not that you showed it. You'd thought maybe he was that friend who'd stand by you no matter what. Apparently not.

You feel a little guilty when his "no feeling" disease comes back. Not that it's your fault, because how can a person cause a weird brain disease? But you do feel bad that it happens on that day, because it's not like he wasn't already stressed enough as it was, and you wouldn't wish his condition on your worst enemy, let alone on a guy who was sort of your best friend for a while.

Eventually the two of you can be on the same city block without throwing punches or curse words, and things settle into a more natural rhythm. You learn the tells of his mood, and when it's safe to toss a jibe his way or when it's wiser to cross to the other side of the street and avert your eyes. It gets easier with time, and his self-control gets better, and you develop something of a love-hate rapport. He doesn't particularly like you, and you don't really like the guy he's become either, but you can tolerate each other and that's good enough.

Things get better when Audrey Parker comes to town. She relaxes him, makes him more like the man he used to be when you were friends. He still tries to blame everything on you, and he doesn't seem to stop trying to arrest you, but she keeps him under control. She also makes it easier for you to get away with teasing him, because he won't retaliate for fear of making himself look bad in front of his pretty new partner. And after a while, he stops grinding his teeth at your insults and just starts giving them back. You have drinks together at the Gull and trade barbs while Audrey laughs, and it's almost like you're friends again.

Which makes it hurt all the more when you overhear Nathan telling Audrey that you can't be trusted, and that you'll always be a lying, no good crook. Because it's then that you realise no matter what you do, Nathan is never going to completely trust you again, and you're never going to really get your best friend back.


	12. Dorsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post episode 2x03, "Love Machine."

Dorsal: (adj.) Situated on the back.

* * *

"Nathan, would you hold still?" Audrey groused impatiently, leaning around his shoulder to fix him with a glare.

"It hurts," Nathan complained, twitching his shoulder away from her hand. "Just leave it alone, it's fine."

"It is not fine," Audrey argued. "If you'd listened to what you were supposed to do and rested it, it would be fine. But you had to go and stretch it and now it's bleeding again. So you are most definitely not fine."

"I would be if you stopped touching it," Nathan grumbled.

"Just because you can't feel it doesn't mean it's fine," Audrey said. "Now hold still." She grabbed his shoulder firmly and went back to cleaning the four punctures in the back of his shoulder blade. Whenever her fingertips brushed over the bruised skin he would hiss and try to pull away, but she tightened her grip and kept working. "You know, when the doctors tell you keep the wound dressed and not over-exert yourself, they aren't just doing it to hear themselves talk," Audrey chastised, tossing away one stained paper towel and grabbing a fresh one. "Especially not after you've just had several nails removed from your back."

Nathan snorted quietly. "Yes,  _mother_." Audrey frowned and smacked the back of his head. "Ow."

"So quit being such a smart ass," Audrey said pointedly. She cleaned off his skin and surveyed the wounds critically. "Well it looks like you didn't pop the staples, you just broke the scabs open."

"I told you I was fine," Nathan said. Audrey hit him in the head again. "Ow!"

"Well excuse me for being worried when my partner who was recently used as a pincushion starts bleeding through his shirts," Audrey said, shaking her head. She grabbed the first aid kit off the desk and started redressing the injury, lightening up when she saw him wince at her touch. "Does it really hurt that bad?" she asked curiously.

"It's been so long since I felt pain I honestly don't know," Nathan admitted. "I'm not sure whether it hurts from the pain or just the shock of feeling it." He glanced sideways at her. "You finished yet?"

"Just about," Audrey said, fussing with the medical tape as it tried to stick to itself. When she finally got it straightened out she smoothed the bandages over Nathan's back and then stepped back to survey her work. The pristine white bandage across his left shoulder blade stood out against his lightly tanned skin, and Audrey couldn't stop her eyes from wandering a little, taking in the sleek planes of muscle threading through his back. Socially awkward mess aside, her partner was definitely nicely built.

Shaking herself, Audrey began piling the supplies back into the medical case. "Alright, you're set," she informed him. "Just don't twist around too much, would you?"

"Who knew you were such a worrier," Nathan muttered as he stood up and pulled on his tee-shirt, stained red on the back. He sat back down on the corner of his desk again, watching her close up the first aid kit, and a small smile curved his lips. "You know this is gonna make everyone gossip though, you undressing the Chief of Police right in the middle of his office. That's scandalous in Haven, Parker." Audrey's cheeks flushed pink and she reached over, smacking him across the back of the head one last time. "Ow! Parker, would you stop that?"

"Nope."


	13. Moot

Moot: (adj.) Open to discussion or debate; doubtful. Not actual; theoretical; hypothetical.

* * *

Audrey leaned back in her chair, watching the gathered group on the other side of the room passively. It was a happy, boisterous air in the room, and she gladly absorbed it as she sipped at her beer.

"That's a cute kid," Duke said as he sank down in the chair next to her, clutching his own bottle of beer.

"He really is," Audrey agreed, watching as the new mother proudly showed off the curly-haired little boy wrapped up in a soft blue blanket. He was a sweet little thing, with chubby red cheeks and big blue eyes.

"You know who'd have cute kids?" Duke asked idly, and Audrey hummed questioningly, her mouth full of beer. "You and me."

Audrey sprayed beer across the table when she choked, gasping for air as she tried to clear her lungs. Her eyes streamed as the beer burnt at the inside of her nose. It took her a second to get her breathing under control and she mopped at her face with a napkin before looking up at Duke, who was regarding her with a playfully innocent expression.

"Excuse me?" Audrey asked.

"You and me," Duke repeated casually. "We'd make really cute kids." Audrey was still struggling to wrap her brain around what he was saying when he continued, "I mean, can you imagine it? We are both very attractive people, after all. That kid would be gorgeous. My thick curly hair, your pretty blue eyes."

"Blue eyes are a recessive gene," Audrey pointed out. "Not very likely our kid would have blue eyes."

"Alright, so green eyes then," Duke conceded. "With those cute little round cheeks of yours, and my irresistible charm."

Audrey snorted derisively. "Even if you actually  _had_  charm in the first place, I'm pretty sure that's not a hereditary trait."

"Of course it is," Duke said dismissively. "Our kid would be charming like me and feisty like you. Although I really hope he doesn't inherit your uptightness."

"You're ridiculous," Audrey said shaking her head. "I'm telling you, those are not hereditary things. Those are personality traits, that's not genetic. Our kid would - " She paused, frowned, and then said, "Why in the hell am I even arguing this with you? We're not going to have children. This isn't even relevant. Or  _realistic_."

"Keep telling yourself that, darling," Duke said with a smirk and then went back to his drink. Audrey rolled her eyes, still stunning by her friend's daring. He really was an unusual guy. They'd been sitting in silence for a few minutes when Duke suddenly chimed in again, "Or if you really wanted blue-eyed kids, you know who else could give you cute kids? Nathan."

"Duke!"


	14. Harrowing

Harrowing: (adj.) Extremely disturbing or distressing; grievous.

* * *

No, this can't be happening. Not like this. Not to him.

"No, Nathan, hold on," Audrey pleads. She can feel his body shaking with the effort of breathing, and the red is spreading through his shirt from the piece of wooden shrapnel wedged into his stomach. He feels weak and unsteady in her arms, and she can't help but panicking. Because this is Nathan - steady, stoic Nathan - and he can't be losing it. She can't be losing him.

"It's okay, Parker," Nathan chokes and even his voice sounds fainter, thinner. "I can't feel it." A choked sob builds in Audrey's throat as she looks down at the wound. It should feel agonising; crippling. But he can't feel it. Will never feel it, or anything, again. The sob breaks through and she places her hand on the side of his face. A soft smile lifts his lips and he leans his cheek onto the contact with a contented sigh. "All I feel is you."

"No, no, Nathan," Audrey says, begs. She can feel his muscles uncoiling, his body relaxing into her arms. All of the tension and strength that he carries with him everywhere washes away and he goes limp. His eyes, so firmly fixed on her face, slide out of focus until he's staring vacantly into the sky. A last, shallow breath fades off his lips and then he's gone.

"Nathan," Audrey says frantically, shaking him slightly. "No, Nathan, please!" She cups his face in her hands, trying to get his attention, but nothing works. He's gone. "Nathan. Nathan!" The world is going dark around the edges, and all Audrey can see is her blood-stained hands and those vacant blue-grey eyes. He's gone. Gone. Gone. Dead.

"No!" Audrey bolts upright in bed, panting and covered in sweat. It takes a few seconds for her to make out her surroundings in the darkness and when she does she lets out a breath of relief. She's not in the street, amid a horrified crowd, watching her best friend and partner die. She's in her bedroom, safe and alone. She brushes her hair away from her face and realises there are tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Damn it," she hisses, wearily dragging herself out of bed and into the bathroom. She washes her face at the sink and then glances up at her reflection in the mirror. She looks like a wreck. Her eyes are swollen, her skin is pale, and there are bright violet rings hanging heavily beneath her eyes. It's only been little more than a week, but it feels like ages since she's had a good night's sleep. Ever since that day that wouldn't end, every time she closes her eyes she's met with images of death; of Duke and Chris and Anson. But worst of all are the dreams of Nathan, which come every night and result in her waking up screaming.

After another few minutes to collect herself, she starts getting ready for work. It's early, but it's not like she's going to be able to get back to sleep anyway. Not with those images in her head. She takes her time getting ready, carefully applying make-up to hide the shadows under her eyes and the pale sheen of her skin. On the way to the station she stops and picks up an extra large coffee and box of sweets from Rosemary's because she knows she'll need the sugar to stay awake through her shift. She settles down at her desk but doesn't relax until an hour later when Nathan walks into her office with a soft smile and a request to check the temperature of his coffee.


	15. Tawdry

Tawdry: (adi.) Gaudy, showy and cheap.

* * *

When Audrey walked into the Gull after work at the end of October her eyes nearly popped out of her head. The tavern was covered in layers of black and orange crepe paper and glittering decorative garlands speckled with plastic spiders. Bats with over-exaggerated features hung from the ceiling at intervals, swaying in the breeze cast off by the ceiling fans, and small rounded pumpkins sat in the centre of every table. Wispy cotton spiderwebs were draped over the lighting fixtures, and large skulls were perched along the bar, with tea candles flickering inside their empty eye sockets. A pair of robed figures stood guard at every doorway, carrying large scythes. All in all, the effect was rather like Tim Burton had vomited everywhere.

"Hello there Audrey," Duke said cheerfully, emerging from behind the bar and sporting a pair of red horns on his head. "You like it?"

"It's definitely - spirited," Audrey said diplomatically.

"Well the Halloween party's tonight," Duke said. "I wanted the place to look nice for it."

"Oh right, the party," Audrey said and inwardly groaned. She'd entirely forgotten about the party, although how she wasn't sure since he'd been reminding her almost daily for the last two weeks. If she'd remembered she would've stayed late at the office so she could avoid it. "Well I was just stopping in to grab some papers and then I've got to get back to the office."

"No, no, no, I don't think so," Duke said, shaking his head. "You are not going to work through the party. C'mon Audrey, live a little would you? You don't want to blow off your friend's first big party in his new business, do you?" He flashed her a pair of innocent puppy eyes that contrasted sharply with the devil horns on his head.

Audrey grimaced but sighed. "Alright, fine," she said. "But I don't have a costume or anything, so don't expect me to dress up."

"I've taken care of that," Duke said eagerly. "Wait here." Audrey felt a knot of trepidation form in her stomach as he disappeared into a back room. Duke had picked a costume for her? This couldn't be good. He came back carrying something very short and black.

"What in the hell is that?" Audrey asked suspiciously.

"A cat costume," Duke said and he slipped a headband onto the top her head. When Audrey reached up she felt a pair of soft triangular ears sprouting from her hair. "And this is the dress that goes with it."

"That's not a dress!" Audrey objected. "That's a shirt." She regarded the length of the sleek black material and then shook her head firmly. "No, absolutely not. I'm not wearing that glorified lingerie."

Duke looked put out but he shrugged. "It was worth a shot." Audrey scowled and punched his arm. "Ow! Alright, sorry. Well at least wear the ears, would you? You can't be a total dead-beat."

"Fine," Audrey grumbled. "I'm just going to go get freshened up." She escaped upstairs and climbed into the shower to wash away the day's worth of crime-solving dirt. When she got out she could hear music coming from downstairs and the murmur of voices, signalling that the party had started. She took her time getting ready, changing her work clothes for a pair of black jeans and a black tank top to at least somewhat match the set of cat's ears. With an eyeliner pen she drew three shaky whiskers across her cheeks and then declared herself as ready as she'd ever get.

Lingering upstairs for a few more minutes to get over the ridiculousness of what she was doing, she finally wandered back down into the tavern. It was thrumming with noise now, full of a press of bodies in various costumes that made it hard for her to tell faces in the dimmed lighting. She wound her way awkwardly to the bar and then took a stool near the end, gesturing for a beer. She'd only been sitting there for a few minutes when someone took the seat next to her. She looked up, expecting it to be Duke teasing her about the costume, and instead found Nathan.

"Hi," she said, her agitation softening. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"I promised Duke I'd stop by for a little bit," he said and shrugged, rolling his own beer bottle between his hands. "He was so excited about his party he even invited me."

Audrey chuckled in amusement. "Yeah, I'm getting the impression he's a fan of Halloween," she said, glancing around again at the over-the-top decorations. "How'd you get in without a costume? He practically forced one on me."

"I'm a zombie," Nathan answered and pointed at a set of stitches drawn on his face with what looked like magic marker. As Audrey looked him over she saw he was also wearing a shirt and jeans with tears in them. She snorted at the simplicity of the costume. "Duke says I play the part convincingly enough," he added with a smirk.

"Almost as convincing as him and his devil horns," Audrey replied with a laugh.

Nathan grinned and then eyed her up and down. "A cat?" he asked curiously.

"It was Duke's idea," Audrey said and shrugged one shoulder. "Although he picked out this terrible skimpy dress that I was not putting on in private, let alone in public."

Nathan chuckled into his beer and muttered, "That sounds like Duke."

"Although when I think about it, I suppose the cat thing is pretty fitting," Audrey continued, her smile flickering just slightly. "Nine lives, and all."

At this Nathan glanced sideways and regarded her thoughtfully. She could tell he was thinking about the same thing as her; her multiple lives in Haven, and just how far back those lives might actually go. Finally he gave her a critical look and said, "It doesn't work though. You don't have a tail."

Audrey's mouth parted in surprise and then she laughed. No one was as wonderful at easing her tension the way that he could. "Fair enough," she said and reached over to pat his hand lightly in gratitude. He turned his hand over beneath hers and squeezed her fingers gently, and then they both went back to their drinks.

A few beers later the music shifted into a slow, mournful song and the people in the middle of the room started pairing off. "Want to dance?" Nathan asked, following her gaze.

"Please, I've seen your dancing skills," Audrey teased. Nathan wrinkled his nose in what might have been a pout. She glanced between her partner, with his tousled hair and cheesy marker stitches, and the dance floor where a vampire and a rabbit spiralled passed them. And then she took his hand. "So it wouldn't hurt to teach you a thing or two," she finished, standing up and tugging at his hand.

Nathan shot a shallow frown at her but followed her to a cleared place of floor, slightly apart from the rest of the group. She placed his hand on her waist, nudging her shirt up just slightly so he'd be able to find her skin. Nathan seemed alarmed by it at first, but she held his hand there until he stopped trying to pull away. With that settled she laid her hand on his shoulder and curled her other hand in his. They swayed slowly in a circle, and gradually the tension left them both until they were standing toe to toe, so close Audrey could feel the heat coming from his body.

"Not too bad, Wuornos," Audrey said as they continued to weave a steady circle in their corner of the dancefloor.

"Have I stepped on your toes? 'Cause I can't tell," Nathan said, glancing down the narrow sliver of space left between them apprehensively.

"My feet are fine," Audrey said. "You'd have to actually lift your feet off the ground to step on my toes, zombie boy." She yawned as the long work day caught up with her and let her head fall against his chest lazily. After a moment Nathan's hand slid from her waist across her back, until he was holding her more closely to him. Audrey nuzzled her head against his sternum and decided she sort of liked this feeling. She wasn't sure what that meant. She'd figure it out later. For now she was going to just enjoy the moment.

Eventually the song ended. Both of them stood there awkwardly, until a faster paced song started and they retreated to the safety of the bar. Taking their usual stools near the end, they ordered another round of beers and sat talking again, sitting slightly closer together this time to hear each other over the loud music. They had lapsed into a companionable silence when Nathan cleared his throat.

"Happy Halloween, Parker," he said and lifted his beer in a toast.

Audrey smiled and lifted hers as well. "Happy Halloween, Nathan," she echoed and the clink of their bottles was lost in the din of the party.


	16. Loll

Loll: (v.) To recline or lean in a relaxed, lazy, or indolent manner; lounge.

* * *

It was dark outside when Audrey finally shut down her computer and stood up. The vertebrae in her back popped loudly as she stretched, releasing the tension of her long day sitting behind the desk. Overall it had been a highly uneventful day that meant she had no good excuse not to get caught up on the mountain of paperwork that had formed in her in-tray. Now that she was finally finished she wanted nothing more than a hot dinner and cold beer before bed. Grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair, she flicked off the lights and headed for the only other office that was still lit.

"Hey Nathan, I was - " She trailed off when she stopped in the doorway to Nathan's office, and a smile slid across her lips at the sight before her.

Nathan was sitting at his desk, slumped down in the seat with his feet propped up on the corner of the desk. His arms were folded lazily over his chest, a piece of paper still clutched in one hand, and his head had fallen back to rest on the back of the chair. The sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up past his elbows and his tie had vanished. His eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly. The Hot Stove box was open on the desk and stacks of folded papers covered the surface of the desk. It looked like he'd been in the middle of sorting through them when he'd fallen asleep.

Still grinning, Audrey pulled out her phone and took a quick picture. She regarded her partner thoughtfully. He looked peaceful and relaxed, which was an expression she hadn't seen on him in quite a while. For a moment she considered leaving him alone and just letting him sleep, but she rationalised that even if he couldn't feel it, his back and neck would be killing him tomorrow and that wouldn't do him any favours. So she crossed the room and laid her hand on his forearm.

Nathan twitched and his eyes snapped open, looking around in confusion. "Parker?" he asked, dropping his feet to the floor and sitting up.

"Morning boss," she responded with a laugh.

Nathan scrubbed his hands over his face and when he dropped them he looked more awake. "I fell asleep?"

"Yes you did," Audrey agreed, perching herself on the corner of his desk. "Which I think is a good sign that it's time to get out of the office and go home, don't you think?"

"I was just finishing up these," Nathan said, shuffling the papers around on his desk.

Audrey leaned forward and trapped his hands beneath hers, stopping him from getting into the paperwork. "They'll still be here in the morning," she pointed out. "Finish them then. Right now, I'm in the mood for pancakes."

Nathan stared at her hands on his for a second longer before he glanced up at her, a small smirk curling the corner of his mouth. "I think I should be worried that you're so good at manipulating me," he said passively.

"Probably," Audrey agreed, standing up and putting her jacket on. "But you're not. So are we going?"

Nathan chuckled and stood up, piling the papers back into the Hot Stove box and shutting it. "You had me at pancakes."


	17. Anomie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set at the end of "Roots," Nathan POV.

Anomie: (n.) A sense of loneliness and anxiety; a state or condition characterised by a breakdown or absence of social norms and values, as in the case of uprooted people.

* * *

"C'mon, Parker," you grumble into the phone, begging her to just answer. Because if she doesn't answer, if you can't tell her the words that are brimming beneath the surface of your chest, then you'll have lost her. She'll be out of your reach forever, just when you've come to realise what she means to you.

You've always thought, always suspected that there was more there than you were ready to acknowledge, but it wasn't until today that you came to terms with the strange emotions thrumming inside of your head. Today when it became clear to you just what you could be losing. You thought you had more time to really sit and consider all of the pros and cons before you made an action, but then that damn Chris Brody had to come in and complicate everything. You had liked where you were before, it was safe and comfortable. You and Audrey were an inseparable unit and you never had to worry about things like this.

Then Brody happened and everything skewed. So now even though you fought your way in to save her, Audrey is at home with Brody and she's not answering your call which can only mean one thing.

Cursing, you hang up and toss the phone on the desk, knowing that you've lost. It's too late, and Brody has beat you in the race for her heart. You prop your elbows on the desk and bury your face in your hands, trying to clear your head. You've never felt so isolated in your life. Even when you were the strange little kid that no one wanted to play with, at least you had your family. Now, you have no one.

The Chief's gone. Even Duke has someone, a wife and another life. And you, you're just sitting here alone in your office in the middle of the night. Normally you and Audrey would spend an evening after a Troubled case in the office, eating take-out and writing up reports for the incident. Now that she's not here, it feels like there's a gaping hole in your routine. Like a piece of your life has suddenly been transplanted and you don't know how to fix it.

Glaring at your phone, you stand up and gather your things. There's no way you're going to get any work done tonight, not with all of these thoughts in your head. No, you're going to go home, drink several beers, and then collapse in bed, where you can go to sleep and pretend this isn't real.


	18. Anoesis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set at the end of "Business as Usual." Audrey's POV.

Anoesis: (n.) A state of mind consisting of pure sensation or emotion without cognitive content.

* * *

You have no words. You clutch the little piece of paper, his neat script glowing against the white paper, and try to come up with something to say to express this overpowering emotion inside of you, but you can't. There are no words for what he's done for you. So you just promise him that you'll come back when it's over. Because how could you not come back to this man who is so willing to sacrifice for you, who cares so much for you? Who you care so much for?

Heart thumping hard in your chest, you turn to walk away. You can feel his gaze on you, those magnetic blue eyes searing through your skin like he can see your soul. The scrap of paper is fisted in your hand, a piece of your past from a part of your future, and you know you can't leave without showing him that. These emotions and sensations are filling your chest until you can hardly breathe, and the only way to lessen them is to share them.

At the last second you pivot around and race back to him. His arms are open, like he was hoping for this, and you kiss him with everything you have.

It transcends a physical connection. You can't describe the way it feels, to surrender yourself so completely to him. It's full of nothing but the purest, raw passion. A lightness spreads through your body and you feel like you could lift away from the ground at any second if you were to let go of him. It surpasses everything you've ever felt before, beyond any description you could possibly conceive.

And this time, when you turn and walk away, you're not afraid anymore. You aren't bothered by the questions of your identity or even your existence, because you know that here in Haven there is one person who is sure of you enough to love you, and that's enough for you.


	19. Mesmerise

Mesmerise: (v.) To spellbind; fascinate.

* * *

There was something oddly intriguing about Nathan Wuornos. Audrey couldn't place exactly what it was that captivated her so much. Sure, he was an attractive man, but not overly so. He had a rather dry, to-the-point personality. Even his Trouble, while unique, was rather tame compared to most of Haven.

Yet she couldn't help but be drawn to him. She found herself watching him; the way he moved and carried himself and rubbed his lip when he was thinking or his neck when he was uncomfortable. She paid attention when he spoke; listening to the sarcastic anecdotes and careful logic and moments of revealing sincerity. She observed the way he accommodated his Affliction; how he watched others about clothes and tested the temperature of anything before touching it and worked to avoid physical contact whenever possible.

There was no one great thing about him that made him so fascinating, but somehow she just couldn't get enough of Nathan Wuornos.


	20. Perdition

Perdition: (n.) A state of final spiritual ruin; loss of the soul; damnation.

* * *

Nathan stares down the barrel of his handgun, at the cowering figure of Duke Crocker slumped beneath him. He knows that this is it. This is the final straw, the tipping of the scale. If he flexes his finger and squeezes that trigger, there's no going back. He will have passed the point of no return. This isn't an act of self-defence or protect an innocent from an attacker. Pulling this trigger is murder; simple, cold-blooded murder. Once he does this there is no redemption for him, no immunity or safety that he can claim. He will have become everything he has spent his life trying to stop. He will be a murderer.

For her.

Nathan narrows his eyes and the gunshot rings out in the metal hull of the ship.


	21. Bobbery

Bobbery: (n.) A disturbance or a brawl.

* * *

Audrey elbowed her way passed two people, trying to squeeze her way through the crowd that had gathered outside of the Grey Gull. "Haven Police, step aside," she shouted and a few people shifted aside enough that she was able to get through to the front of the group. There was an officer lingering in the doorway, holding the wooden double doors leading to the patio open, and he looked up when she came over.

"What's going on?"Audrey asked. "Laverne just said something about a disturbance."

"Oh it's a disturbance alright," the officer said and there was a bit of a curl to the corners of his lips now. "Causing Nathan a right bit of a trouble in there."

There was a disgruntled shout from inside and Audrey put a hand on her gun holster before stepping through the doorway. She'd gotten three steps inside before she realised just exactly what she was seeing, and once she did she doubled over laughing.

Duke and Nathan were both standing on opposite ends of the bar, Duke clutching a broom and Nathan a dingy-looking mop. Both of them were wearing intense looks of concentration, sweat streaking their brows. And perched on a light fixture in between them was a large white seagull, preening its feathers and watching them with a beady black eye.

"This is the disturbance?" Audrey asked between fits of laughter. "This is why Laverne called me away from my paperwork?"

"This damn bird is a nightmare," Duke said dramatically. "It went swooping around at all of my customers, and now we can't get it to leave. It just keeps flying around and knocking into things."

While the bird was fixated on Duke, Nathan lunged forward and swiped at it with the mop. The gull shrieked angrily and took off, soaring across the room and settling down on a rafter, where it chattered at them irritably. "We can't get it out," Nathan said, rubbing his lip and staring up at the bird calculatingly. "It obviously wants out, but every time we get it near a door it goes the wrong way. We thought it might help to have a little back-up."

"Well I don't know how I'll make it any better, but alright," Audrey said, rolling up her sleeves.

After they made sure that all of the doors and windows were propped open, Nathan and Duke tried to gang up on it and usher it toward the door again. Even though the gull was clearly unhappy inside, it seemed like it didn't want to leave either. They spent a good ten minutes chasing it in circles around the Gull, scaring it from one hiding place to another.

"This clearly isn't working," Audrey said, bending over to put her hands on her knees and panting from the effort of racing across the tavern to try and pounce on the bird. "We need another strategy."

"You don't say," Duke said sarcastically, scowling and making another jab at the seagull. It squawked indignantly and soared once around the room, dove at Nathan's head, and then veered toward the wall. It settled down on one of the tables, pecking at the sugar packets in their little ceramic container.

"I've got an idea," Audrey said. "Keep it focused on you and don't scare it away."

"Hey there devil bird," Duke said mockingly. "What you think you're doing now? Eating some Sweet'N'Low, are ya? You realise I'm going to have to toss all that out now. That's not cheap."

"You're an idiot," Nathan muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Well what would you say to the stupid thing then?" Duke asked, tossing up his arms. The bird squeaked and flapped its wings, sending loose feathers everywhere.

"I told you not to scare it," Audrey hissed as she slowly inched away from the guys and around behind the bird. "No sudden movements."

"Alright, sorry," Duke said. "Well then Pinocchio, the bird whispering is all yours. Enjoy."

"I'm not going to talk to the bird," Nathan said.

The bird swivelled its head at Audrey and chattered. "Talk to the bird, Nathan," Audrey said, holding perfectly still so she didn't startle the seagull.

Nathan rolled his eyes again. "Hey there, bird," he said awkwardly. The seagull glanced back and forth between Audrey and Nathan a few times. "Hey birdie, keep looking over here at me." The gull fixed its beady black eyes on Nathan and Audrey took a few tentative steps around behind the bird again. "There's nothing interesting back there, little bird, just keep staring at me," Nathan said.

Audrey got behind the bird and slowly began peeling off her jacket. "That's right, bird," Nathan said. "Keep your eyes on me." Clutching her jacket, Audrey took a step forward and wrapped it around the gull's body. It tried to wriggle free but she gripped it tightly inside of the jacket, lifting it from the table.

"You got it!" Duke yelled triumphantly, pumping his fist.

Audrey fought to keep ahold on the bird as she jogged toward the door. The bird screamed and pecked at her fingers, nicking the skin in an attempt to escape. Once she'd gotten close, Audrey tossed the bird out of the door. It took off with a shriek, flapping over the crowd and off toward the beach. The gathered patrons cheered.

"Good going, Parker," Nathan said, clapping her on the shoulder. Audrey laughed as she pulled her jacket back on but Nathan's eyes caught the crimson spots on her hands and he grabbed her wrist in alarm. "You're bleeding."

"The bird didn't like being caught," Audrey said, trying not to wince as he gingerly touched one of the small cuts.

"C'mon, we've got to get you cleaned up, and then to the hospital," Nathan said, ushering her back inside.

"The hospital?" Audrey said. "It's just a couple cuts."

"From a wild bird," Nathan elaborated. "You never know how many diseases those things might carry. Plenty of people from around here have died from infected bites." Audrey rolled her eyes but let Nathan nudge her onto a barstool, and he retrieved the first aid kit from behind the bar. He kept up a determined and focused expression as he cleaned out the wounds and then bandaged them. "Now, come on. You'll need some antibiotics."

"Really?" Audrey asked. "Can't we just go get pancakes or something?"

"You're not distracting me with pancakes, Parker," Nathan said, putting on his jacket. "Those can wait. Let's go." Audrey huffed, but she couldn't deny that it was a comfortable feeling when Nathan set his hand in the middle of her back and steered her out of the Gull. Maybe being taken care of every once in a while wasn't such a bad thing. And she got to trade a long day of paperwork for a lazy afternoon with her partner.

Either way, she probably owed that gull a bit of thanks.


	22. Frondescence

Audrey jammed her hands into the pockets of her jacket, huddling her shoulders against the crisp air. It was getting close to winter and she wouldn't be able to stand around outside like this much longer without bundling up like a marshmallow, but for now she welcomed the bitter breeze. It helped her focus and clear her mind. She took a step closer to the edge of the cliff, enjoying the gap in the trees where the salty wind swept up off the sea and bit at her cheeks.

There was a soft rustle from behind and she didn't even have to look back. "Are you stalking me, Wuornos?" she asked playfully.

"I prefer the term tailing," Nathan answered, walking up to stand next to her. "It sounds more professional." Audrey chuckled appreciatively. For a minute they just stood in companionable silence and then Nathan said, "So, what exactly are you doing up on Tuwiuwok Bluff?"

"Just thinking," Audrey responded casually, wrapping her jacket tighter around herself. "How'd you find me?"

"Your car is parked at the bottom of the trailhead," Nathan said and Audrey grinned at her own stupidity. Yeah, that would be a pretty good indicator. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. It was a pretty rough day." He paused and when Audrey didn't add anything he continued, "So, you are all right, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Audrey said and she was pleased to admit she was nearly completely honest in that response. It had been a long and taxing few days, dealing with the madness of the case of Troubles that had once again plagued this mad town, but they had come out without too much collateral damage and she was content with it. "I just like to come up here sometimes when things get crazy. With all of the Troubles and all of the questions, about myself and Lucy and everything, I sort of get lost in it all. Up here, in the trees, overlooking the sea, I can remind myself that underneath it all, Haven really is a beautiful place."

Nathan made a low hum of understanding, rocking on his heels slightly as he nodded. They lapsed into another steady quiet as Audrey watched the waves cresting and crawling across the stony beach. "The view's better from King's Point," Nathan said abruptly. Audrey glanced up at him, arching an eyebrow, and he shrugged. "It is. But this is nice too. If you can ignore the scars on the trees from Marian blasting Lester off the cliff."

Audrey laughed, letting her eyes drift slowly over the bent and gnarled trees that had not completely recovered from the storm that had torn some of them clean from the ground. "I like them," Audrey said, reaching out and brushing her fingers over a deep scar in the trunk of the nearest tree. "This is where my first case in Haven started. It's like coming back to the beginning to start fresh."

"Deep," Nathan said dryly but when she glanced at him she could see by the softness in his icy blue eyes that he wasn't mocking her. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans, watching her thoughtfully, and then said, "I was going to stop off at the diner on my way home. You want to come along?"

Audrey cast one last look around the bluff, drinking in the beauty of it all, and then turned back to her partner. "Sounds good," she agreed. "I could use something to warm me up." As they started back down the path, Audrey surveyed Nathan. As much as she felt that Tuwiuwok Bluff was the place where her journey in Haven had begun, she knew it really wasn't true.

No, for her Haven really began and ended with a certain monosyllabic detective.


	23. Adytum

Adytum: (n.) A sacred place that the public is forbidden to enter; the most sacred or reserved part of any place of worship.

* * *

Nathan hesitated just centimetres in front of the door, not able to push himself to move any further. It was a strange enough thing to be in this place after all of these years, but this room – this was a room he hadn't been inside of in years. Decades, actually, come to think of it. Not since he was eleven years old.

With a heavy sigh, Nathan placed a hand on either side of the doorjamb and leaned his weight onto it, as if it could lift some of the pressure off of his chest. He hadn't even brought himself to open the door yet, just stared at the flat cedar wood like it was the unconquerable Great Wall of China blocking his path instead of just the door to his parents' old bedroom.

There was a stack of collapsed cardboard boxes by his feet, topped with a heavy roll of packing tape, and an aged broom was propped against the wall to his left. The same tools he'd been using for the last two days on the other rooms of the house. Forty-eight hours of gathering up things he hadn't touched in years and piling them into cardboard boxes, labelling them for either the storage or Goodwill. It had been an emotional experience for him, each thing and each room bringing up memories he'd long hidden away. Baseball trophies with chipped gold paint; a rusted fishing pole; a bookshelf filled with photo albums and faded family portraits. It might all have been too much to handle if it weren't for the woman currently thundering around the floor below, hunting for god-knows-what.

He'd put off cleaning out the Chief's house for two whole months after his death. Nobody asked any questions, since the rest of the town believed he'd been lost at sea. They just assumed he was holding onto hope that his father might come back. But finally he knew something had to be done, so he'd used his weekend off to start working on the place. Although he didn't know how she'd found out his plans, he admittedly wasn't all that surprised when halfway through sorting the living room Audrey Parker had shown up with a box of garbage sacks and two large black coffees.

The whole house had been difficult for him, but it was nothing compared to the heavy weight he felt standing outside his parents' old bedroom. It was a sort of place of reverence, a place he felt it was wrong to disturb. He hadn't set foot in the place since his mother had died. After that it had become his father's private sanctum, where the Chief went to escape from everything when it became too much. But now the task had fallen to him to clear it out and sift through all of those years of memories stored behind that plain cedar door.

If he could just bring himself to open it...

"Nathan." Audrey spoke quietly so as not to startle him, but he'd already known she was there. There was a strange awareness that flared in his mind every time she got close, one that he didn't dare to investigate further just yet. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the wood, tracing the patterns of the knots and whorls. "The Chief's room," he added in response to her unasked question.

Audrey hummed her understanding and they hesitated there for a minute longer. Nathan set his hand on the doorknob and then paused again, his knuckles white as he willed himself to just twist the stupid thing. He could do this. It was just a door, just a room. He closed his eyes and took a deep steadying breath, which promptly caught in his throat when he felt the nerves on the back of his hand burst into life. His eyes snapped open to find Audrey's hand resting gently on top of his.

"Ready?" she asked simply.

Nathan glanced sideways, into those soft compassionate blue eyes, and then nodded. "Ready." And together they opened the door.


	24. Abrade

Abrade: (v.) To scrape off.

* * *

Nathan furrowed his brow at the strange sound coming from above him as he mounted the staircase on the side of the Gull. It was a dull, rasping sort of sound. Curious, Nathan picked up his pace and rounded the porch to the opened glass doors of his partner's apartment. All of the furniture in the living room had been pushed together in the middle and covered with a bedsheet. Audrey was standing against one wall, her hair and clothes sprinkled with little white shavings as she scratched at the wall with what looked like a straight-razor.

"Hey Parker," Nathan said, jamming his hands into his pockets and leaning against the doorjamb.

Audrey jumped and looked over her shoulder at him. Once her eyes landed on him she smiled. "Oh hi Nathan," she responded.

"What are you doing?" Nathan asked, glancing at the white streaks scraped into the pale wall and then down at the wispy curls of white clinging to her.

"Duke told me as long as I don't put any huge holes in the wall I could take down this awful wallpaper," Audrey said enthusiastically. "So since it's my weekend I figured I'd start on it now. I'm going to repaint it when I'm done. It's just harder to get this paper off than I expected."

"It's going to take you a month if you do it like that," Nathan said. "Not to mention if you keep that up you're going to ruin that wall."

"What?" Audrey asked, glancing from the straight-razor to the wall apprehensively. "I don't know how to do this stuff. I've never stayed in one place long enough to worry about the decorating."

Nathan eyed her thoughtfully for a moment and then the corner of his mouth pulled up in a half-grin. "C'mon, we're making a trip to the hardware store," he said, digging his truck keys from his pocket. Audrey smiled as she brushed the paper shavings off her shirt and then followed him out of the apartment.

A half hour later they were back in her living room, armed with putty knives and buckets of water and wallpaper removal solution. Audrey had turned on the little radio on the counter and she was humming along as they alternated between soaking and scraping at the pale green wallpaper. It was hard work because the wallpaper was old and didn't want to come off the ancient plaster in the walls, but by sundown they had cleared off all of the adhesive residue and the living room walls were a plain white.

"Thanks for the help," Audrey said as they sat down in the dining chairs, the only seating not hidden beneath the bedsheets.

Nathan shrugged. "I couldn't let you massacre a perfectly good wall."

Audrey laughed but she surprised him when she reached over and brushed her fingers against his cheek. He froze, stunned by the soft warmth of her fingertips on his cheekbone. After a second she pulled back and he realised she was clutching a scrap of wallpaper between her fingers. "It was stuck to your cheek," she informed him with a smile.

"Oh, thanks," Nathan said dumbly, still trying to process the feel. His eyes landed on a piece of wallpaper tangled in her hair and he tentatively reached out. She watched him passively as he brushed his fingers through her hair, resisting the urge to let his eyes drift shut at the sensation. Her hair was thick and soft as a feather, and it twisted around his fingertips as he let his fingers glide down to the wallpaper slip. He grasped it and then reluctantly pulled it free. "It was stuck to your hair," he echoed her.

She chuckled and shook her hair out, sending little bits of wallpaper whirling through the air around them. "Yeah, I guess we kind of got this stuff all over," she said. She looked around the room, biting her lower lip, and then said, "I should probably sweep it all up before I go to bed."

Nathan stood up, reaching for his jacket. "If it's cleaning time, I'm going home," he announced.

"Oh that's typical," Audrey said, rolling her eyes. "Men run at the first sign of cleaning."

"I spent my day off helping you save that wall," Nathan said. "I think that's my charity work for the day."

Audrey huffed but she was smiling. Nathan got to the door before she called out, "Nathan!" He paused and glanced back at her. "You're gonna come back and help me paint tomorrow, right?"

Nathan glanced around the disorganised room and then back at his partner, who still had scraps of wallpaper stuck to her tank top, and another half-smile crossed his face. "I'll bring coffee."


	25. Procellous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A direct sequel to the last chapter, "Abrade."

Procellous: (adj.) Stormy, as the sea.

* * *

Audrey crawled out of bed and looked out of the window, wondering why it was still so dark. She found her answer when she saw the raging rainstorm pouring from the thick layer of thunderclouds. The waves were whipping up against the coast and the wind was blowing the raindrops onto the side of the Gull. She thought it must be a sign that she had been in Haven for a while because for once the storm hadn't woken her up.

Pulling on a loose jumper, she wandered out into the living room. All of her furniture was still piled in the middle of the room beneath several old bedsheets and the bleak white walls were wiped clean. It looked like perhaps she'd be painting the walls on her own today if this storm didn't let up. Audrey slipped two pieces of toast into the toaster and while they were cooking she went to set up her paint supplies.

Painting at least was something that she could do without being tutored. Taking down the old wallpaper had been more difficult than she'd expected and if it hadn't been for Nathan she wouldn't made a horrible mess of things. She'd painted before though, and she knew she could handle it on her own. She grabbed a roll of painter's tape and started taping off the borders and around the light sockets.

With that ready, she went back to her toast and settled down at the dining room table. She'd just covered the bread with honey when there was a thundering sound from outside that made her look up. A second later her door opened and Nathan burst in, shaking water from his hair.

"You came," Audrey said in surprise.

Nathan shut the door behind him. "I said I would," he answered simply. He came over to the table and set down two Styrofoam coffee cups before stripping out of his wet jacket and sitting down opposite her.

"Yeah, but with the storm I thought you might not make it," Audrey said. He offered one of the coffees to her, and she exchanged it for a piece of her toast.

"It's just a thunderstorm," Nathan said and shrugged, taking a bite of her toast. "Not a big deal here in Maine." Audrey smiled into her coffee and they passed the rest of breakfast in silence as they watched the storm worsen outside. When Audrey had finally finished her coffee they moved into the living room and Nathan eyed her supplies appraisingly.

"Don't tell me we'll need to make a run to the hardware store," Audrey said warningly. "Not in this weather I'm not."

Nathan chuckled dryly. "No, you're good," he said. "We should start if you want it finished by tonight."

Audrey took a paint-roller as Nathan grabbed a smaller brush and started working on the edges. The radio wouldn't work because the clouds were so thick, so the only noise between them was the sound of the rain lashing against the windows. Normally Audrey would be bothered by the quiet, but somehow with Nathan it didn't feel oppressive in the way it normally did. It felt – comfortable.

They had finished the first coat by lunchtime and they retreated back to the dining room to relax while Audrey made sandwiches. "Who knew you had such a steady hand," she remarked, glancing over her shoulder at her partner. "Must come from all those years of decoupage."

Nathan allowed a wry smirk at her teasing. "Unlike you who managed to get paint on her forehead," he replied. Audrey frowned and wiped the back of her hand across her forehead, feeling the faint moisture of the paint as it smeared under her touch. "That didn't help."

"Thank you, I had no idea," Audrey said sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she set a sandwich on a paper plate in front of him. They talked idly about work as they ate and waited for the first coat of paint to dry. Once Nathan had deemed it dry enough, they went back to work.

Audrey watched Nathan working out of the corner of her eyes. There was something almost endearing in the way he painted with such determination, a focused eye on his work like he was painting the Mona Lisa instead of her apartment wall. A sudden childish idea formed in her mind and she quickly ran her fingers over the paint roller. Smiling, she crept over next to him and then reached out and ran her hand over his forehead.

"What-?" Nathan staggered backward a step, looking at her in surprise. "What was that about?" he asked.

Still grinning, Audrey lifted her hand to show him her painted fingers. His eyes widened and he rubbed at his forehead, staring at the paint that came away on his own hand. "Now we match," Audrey said nonchalantly. "That's what you get for making fun of me."

"You started it," Nathan pointed out, and before she could react he had swiped at her arm with the paintbrush, leaving a bright streak across her forearm. Audrey made an indignant noise and lunged at him again, trying to get him with the paint roller still clutched in her other hand. It turned into an all-out battle as they ducked and dodged around each other, laughing when they got in a good shot.

"Wait, wait, truce!" Audrey called, ducking behind the furniture just as Nathan reached for her again. "Truce!"

"You're giving up?" Nathan asked and he sounded genuinely surprised.

"We're getting paint all over the floor," Audrey said. "I don't want to have to clean even more up."

Nathan smirked, rolling the paintbrush between his long fingers. "Alright, truce," he agreed. He held out a hand and helped Audrey to her feet, and then they went back to painting. It passed much the same as before, only this time it was punctuated by occasional laughs as they'd glance sideways at each other and their paint-speckled figures.

The storm had calmed and it was pitch black out when they touched up the last of the paint. Audrey stepped back to admire the job and nodded. "What do you think?" she asked curiously.

"It's a nice colour," Nathan said pensively. It really was a good colour; a crisp sort of bluish grey that gave the room a softer feel. "It reminds me of the ocean right before a storm."

"Yeah, me too," Audrey said, although the thought hadn't actually crossed her mind. Honestly, she didn't know what had driven her to that particular colour, only that once she'd seen it she knew it was the one that she wanted.

"I should probably go," Nathan said, glancing at the clock on the wall. "We have to work in the morning and I need to get this paint off me."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Audrey agreed. She followed a step behind as he went to the door and picked up his coat. He turned back to say goodnight and she returned it with a smile. "Thanks again for your help," she said. "It went a lot faster with two of us."

"No problem," Nathan responded with a one-shouldered shrug. Audrey smiled at the simplicity of his answer, something so completely Nathan, and she regarded her partner thoughtfully for a second. Above his half-smile there was a streak of blue-gray paint on his cheekbone that contrasted with his skin. Just above that his eyes had wrinkled at the corners, but it was something else that caught her attention. There was something familiar in the colour...

"Night, Parker," Nathan said, and he tucked a strand of her loose hair behind her ear before turning and disappearing out into the night.

"Night," she called out weakly behind him. After she'd shut the door she surveyed the room again, taking in that stormy bluish grey with a new appreciation. The colour she'd fallen in love with - the colour that she knew she needed to have in her place to make it feel like home - was the colour of her partner's eyes.


	26. Adventive

Adventive: (adj.) Not native and usually not yet well established, as exotic plants or animals.

* * *

Audrey growled as she fought with the laundry machine, struggling to get the aged dials to turn to the proper setting. After accidentally turning passed it three times, she let out an angry noise and slammed her palm against the machine's panel.

"Easy there, Audrey." With a huff, Audrey turned around to glance at Duke, who was carting a duffel sack and a box of laundry detergent. "Don't break the poor thing."

"This stupid thing won't let me wash my clothes," she snapped irritably, giving the machine a begrudging kick.

"That's because you can only wash heavy loads in that one," Duke said. He set his bag on top of a washer and started tossing handfuls of shirts into the basin. "The other settings are broken. It's only really good for jeans and towels. If you wanna wash shirts you should use the next one over."

"It'd be nice if they told people things like that," Audrey grumbled as she opened the door and began shifting her laundry over to the next machine. "Would it kill you guys to put up a sign?"

"The machines are marked," Duke said. He walked over and pointed to a scratch in the paint on the washing machine's door. "Ones with just one line like this are for heavy loads. Ones with two scratches, like that one, are only for light loads. And ones without scratches are good for anything."

Audrey glanced up and down the line of washing machines, noticing the faint and irregularly placed paint chips on the doors of half of them. "This is completely ridiculous," she said, shaking her head. "What is it with this town and hiding little unimportant things like that? I mean really, do you guys just love keeping secrets and watching the rest of us try to figure them out?"

Duke patted her shoulder lightly. "Relax, Audrey," he said, the teasing tone to his voice softening at her frustration. "It's just one of those small town things. You'll pick up on them in no time."

"Yeah, I guess," Audrey said wearily. She closed the washing machine and with a press of the button it whirred into life, spraying water in on her clothes. She couldn't really say what it was that bothered her so much, but she hated feeling like an outsider in Haven. Honestly she should be used to the feeling, because she'd been an outsider pretty much everywhere in her life. She'd never stayed in one place long enough to get a good feel for it. Even in Boston, where she'd been based for several years, she only knew the area well enough to tell where the closest restaurants with delivery service were.

Still, for some reason she really wanted to fit in here. She wanted the people to know her and trust her, and she wanted to know which restaurants were the best and where the safest places were to park her rental car. And she wanted to know the secret code behind the damned washing machines at the Laundromat. For some reason she felt drawn to Haven, and she wanted to belong there as much as the people who had always been here.

"C'mon," Duke said, slamming the door shut on his own machine and putting an arm around her shoulders. "How 'bout we go down and get something to eat while we wait for these clothes?"

"Alright," Audrey agreed, although she shrugged him off her shoulder as they stepped out onto the pavement. They walked north along the road, but Audrey abruptly paused as a car pulled up against the curb beside them. "Hey sir," she called to the man getting out of the driver's side. "Sorry, but you can't park here."

"What?" the man asked in confusion. "There's no sign."

"Yeah, but a little girl got killed trying to cross here, because a driver couldn't see her around the parked car," Audrey explained.

"Seriously?" he asked. "I'll only be a minute, I just wanted to slip into the bakery and grab something to eat."

"Oh you don't want to go there," Audrey said, waving a hand dismissively. "They're too dry. Try Rosemary's, just a quarter mile up the block. Trust me, you won't regret it." The man gave her a sceptical look before shaking his head and slipping back into his car. As the sedan pulled away from the curb Duke burst out in laughter from behind her.

"What?" Audrey asked, turning to him and planting her hands on her hips impatiently.

Duke, still grinning, shook his head and put his arms around her shoulders again. As he ushered her up the pavement, he said, "Why Officer Agent Parker, I think we might make a local out of you yet."


	27. Tramontane

Tramontane: (adj.) Being or situated beyond the mountains.

* * *

Audrey leaned back against the truck, folding her arms over her chest and staring out across at the landscape. It had been so long since she'd left Haven, the new scenery felt strange and alien to her. The low ridge of mountains outside of Bangor was covered in a crisp layer of early autumn snow, lying atop the trees like frost. Her breath crystallised in little clouds in front of her as she sighed.

"That sounded tired." Audrey felt her lips twitch just slightly as the voice spoke up from her left, and the truck shifted slightly as her partner leant against it beside her. "Something on your mind, Parker?"

"Have you ever thought about just leaving?" she asked abruptly, glancing sideways to gage his reaction.

Nathan's forehead pulled down as he narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "We're leaving as soon as you like," he said slowly, clearly confused.

"Not here," Audrey clarified, shaking her head. "I mean Haven. Just leaving and not going back. I mean, we're here, with a whole row of mountains to separate us from that place. What would happen if we just – didn't go back?"

Nathan nodded in understanding, tucking his hands into the pocket of his jeans. "I've thought about it," he admitted off-handedly. "When I was in college, I nearly didn't go back. And then after my Affliction came back, I wanted to leave. I just – couldn't."

"We could," Audrey said, staring firmly at the shallow mountains. "We could just go somewhere else. Somewhere we don't have to worry about Troubles and secrets and mysteries."

"You really think we could do that?" Nathan asked, arching an eyebrow at her. "You think  _you_  could do that? Just leave, without knowing the answers?"

Audrey let out a heavy sigh, watching the mist form into curling waves as it left her mouth. "Some days I want to," she confessed quietly. "It feels like for every thing I learn, I find ten more questions. Sometimes, I just want to leave and try to have a normal life again. But I can't, can I?"

The corner of Nathan's mouth curled up in amusement. "I can't imagine you ever being normal."

Glancing up at him, Audrey returned the smile and in that moment she felt the weight in her chest lighten. "I guess you're right," she agreed with a shrug. "Besides, normal is pretty boring anyway." She straightened up and pulled her coat more tightly around herself, and then surveyed her partner who was wearing a jacket too thin for the crisp air. "C'mon, we should get going before the snow sets in again."

Nathan nodded and walked around to the door, climbing into the truck as she pulled herself in on the other side. Once they were seated, Audrey immediately flicked on the heaters. The truck was idling but before Audrey could comment on the inactivity, Nathan spoke up. "Parker," he started, glaring determinedly at the steering wheel, "if you ever do decide to just leave Haven, let me know first, okay?"

He looked sideways at her and for a minute she was caught up in the intensity of his storm-blue gaze. The expression on his face was the same, stoic cop look but there was earnestness and almost pleading in his eyes that gave him away, and Audrey understood what he was saying. He was just as afraid that she might one day mysteriously disappear as she was.

With a small smile, Audrey reached over and laid her hand on his where it rested on the gear shift. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Nathan," she promised, and then to lighten the mood added, "I can't, you're my ride."

Nathan grinned and nodded. "Good to hear." And then he shifted the Bronco into drive, steering them out onto the highway and back toward home.


	28. Pachyderm

Pachyderm: (n.) A person who is not sensitive to criticism, ridicule, etc.

* * *

Audrey slipped back into the police station, shaking the rain from her jacket and cursing the waste of time she'd just gotten called out on. If there had been any patrol officers available to drop the call onto she would've, but instead she'd been stuck going on to check on Mrs. McKay. Just as she'd suspected, it had been another false alarm from the panicky old woman, although it had taken twenty minutes of prowling the yard in the rain before Mrs. McKay was satisfied that there wasn't a burglar waiting to attack her.

Frustrated and a bit surly, Audrey cut across the bullpen toward her office before a muffled noise caught her attention. She pinpointed the noise as coming from Nathan's office, and she looked through the opened blinds curiously. Nathan was standing behind the desk, looking every bit the stoic, expressionless man he always did, and facing him was a red-faced selectman. As Audrey watched she could tell that the selectman was in a furious mood, shouting at Nathan across the desk although she couldn't make out exactly what he was saying.

"He's been at it ten minutes already," Officer Seddal said when he saw her staring. "Just yelling at Dete- I mean, Chief Wuornos. Was calling him some pretty sour names, but then they shut the door and we can't hear what they're saying now."

"Any idea what it's about?" Audrey asked curiously.

"Nah," Seddal said and shrugged. "Probably the same thing as always though. Something bad's happened and they're using him as a scapegoat."

Audrey rolled her eyes, knowing that was more than likely true, and finished her walk into her office. She'd meant to grab Nathan and escape for lunch, but she could tell he wasn't going to be free any time soon. She peeled off her jacket and settled down at her desk, starting in on the stack of paperwork in her inbox.

Fifteen minutes later a knock on her doorframe made Audrey look up, and Nathan was leaning against the jamb. "I was thinking of heading to lunch," he said casually. "You wanna come?"

"The selectman finally left?" she asked interestedly. Nathan nodded. "What did he want?"

"Same old thing," Nathan said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants.

"So basically blaming every bad thing that happens in this town on you," Audrey concluded. Again, his only response was a simple nod. "How do you put up with that on a weekly basis? I'd have gone crazy and shot him by now."

Nathan smirked and shrugged. "They're just words," he said. "People like them say a lot of things. I won't worry until they start acting on it." He straightened up and added, "So, lunch?"

Audrey returned his grin and stood up, grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair and pulling it back on. "Sounds fantastic," she agreed. He waited as she put the things on her desk away, and then fell into step with her as they crossed the office. They'd just reached the front doors when Audrey added, "Nathan."

"Hmm?" he responded, arching an eyebrow.

"For what it's worth, I think you're a pretty good chief," she informed him blithely.

The corner of Nathan's lips swept upward cheekily even as his eyes softened. "Thanks, Parker."


	29. Spruce

Spruce: (v.) to make neat or dapper (often followed by up).

* * *

Audrey rearranged the silverware on the tabletop for the third time, frowning at it critically. Shaking her head, she put them back the way she'd had them before. She turned the vase on the table to face the other direction, so the flower was pointed toward the door, and then made herself walk away from the table before she started reorganising again.

Even though it was only early afternoon, she'd already cleaned the entire apartment more thoroughly than she had since she moved in. Then she'd thought the place was too obviously clean and hastily moved several things to make it look less like she'd scrubbed the place from top to bottom. She had never obsessed so much about a date in her entire life.

 _Breathe, Parker._  Audrey took a deep breath, trying to clam herself. It wasn't like she'd never been on dates before – she'd been on plenty of them in college, and in the early years of working for the FBI. Sure, maybe not as many as most people had by her age, but it was still a pretty decent number. So what had her so frantic this time? Well,  _him_ , of course.

Stopping in front of the mirror, Audrey surveyed her reflection critically. She wanted to touch up her make-up but was afraid of looking like she was trying too hard. Anxiously she fidgeted with the straps of her blouse and brushed an errant curl behind her ear, before deeming herself good.

She shouldn't be this worried about the date. Really, it was just dinner with Nathan. They'd been having meals together for almost two years now and there was nothing all that significant about it. They'd shared every sort of meal, from hasty breakfasts before shifts to late night dinners in the office. It wasn't that big a deal.

Except that it was. It was a  _date_. Not just partners grabbing lunch together during a case, but a man and a woman having an intimate meal together. Somehow it had transformed from something they did all the time to a dramatic new milestone. They were starting an entirely new chapter in their relationship, something that could lead to the sort of long-term commitments she'd never had before. It had to, because if things went wrong between them she'd have no choice but to leave Haven. She couldn't continue working with him after that sort of upset.

Oh God, was this all a big mistake? Were they ruining their precariously balanced friendship by treading into these new waters?

 _No, don't go there_. Audrey shook her head, crossing to the kitchen to check on the griddle. This was the right choice. She had always felt a strong connection with Nathan, ever since they'd met. It had grown progressively stronger over the years, until now he was so thoroughly intertwined with her life that she couldn't imagine going on without him. And as she thought back to the kiss they'd shared, she knew this was the right thing to do. That feeling, that warm, all-encompassing passion coupled with the comfort and security of his familiar arms, that was what she imagined as her future. That was the sort of thing she wanted to have every day for the rest of her life.

She wanted that, and she wanted it with him.

There was a short knock at the door, and the butterflies in Audrey's stomach exploded into action even as a smile crept over her lips. She gave herself a last once-over and then headed for the door. As soon as she opened it and let him in, they'd be making that step into a new beginning. A relationship, a commitment, together.

Grinning, Audrey made that last step and twisted the doorknob.


	30. Morceau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during the latter half of season one, between "Ain't No Sunshine" and "Spiral."

Morceau: (n.) Piece; morsel.

* * *

A low hum of appreciation made Nathan glance up from his desk, giving his partner a questioning look. Audrey grinned as she licked a spot of shiny glaze from her fingertips. "Enjoying yourself?" Nathan asked with an arched eyebrow.

"These cruellers are really delicious this morning," Audrey said enthusiastically. "I think Rosemary did something different with them, there's like something new in the glaze."

"Or maybe it's just because it's noon and that's the first thing you've eaten today," Nathan pointed out.

Audrey shook her head firmly, her mouth full. "No, I mean it," she insisted once she'd swallowed. "There's something different about them. There's something in the glaze. I can't figure out exactly what it is, but it's there. It's like cinnamon or nutmeg or something. Here." She stood up and crossed the office, breaking a piece of the crueller off with her fingers. "You tell me."

"What?" Nathan asked, dumbfounded.

"Your sense of taste is a lot better than mine," Audrey said. "Try it and tell me what it is. Here." And she moved her hand closer to his mouth, the little bit of glazed bread still clamped between her fingertips. Nathan hesitated, staring at her tapered fingers covered in the sticky sugar.

Under normal circumstances, he would've held out his own hand and let her drop the bread into his palm. But ever since he'd learned that he could feel his partner's touch, he had been looking for little instances for contact. After a deep breath to brace himself for the alien sensations, he leaned forward and ate the crueller straight from her fingers.

Her fingertips were soft and warm, and with the sugar they caught against the skin of his lips. Nathan closed his eyes as the barrage of feelings hit him, the overly-sensitive nerve endings in his lips flaring to life at the contact. It took everything he had not to gasp aloud, and to not linger at the point of contact longer than was socially acceptable. He had to take another steadying breath after pulling away, and then slowly opened his eyes.

"Well?" Audrey prompted curiously.

"You're right," he agreed distractedly. "Best crueller I ever tasted."

"I knew it," she said and beamed. "There's something different in the glaze, right?"

"Raw sugar instead of cane," Nathan answered, dragging his tongue over his lip to taste the bit of glaze left behind. "Makes it sweeter."

Audrey made a triumphant noise and then went back over to her desk, dropping into her seat. When Nathan glanced over he saw her licking the glaze from her fingertips, and a small smile traced over his lips.

Best crueller of his life, no doubt.


	31. Ad Rem

Ad rem: (adj.) without digressing; in a straightforward manner.

* * *

Realistically, she should've expected it to turn out this way. Nathan had always been a very pragmatic, to the point sort of person in every other aspect of his life. For as long as she'd known him, he'd never been one to waste breath on extra words when a few simple ones would do the same trick. So really, she should've known it would go down like this.

That doesn't mean it still didn't completely floor her.

Audrey sat up when she heard the front door to her apartment open and she instinctively reached for the sidearm sitting on her bedside table. She'd just lifted it when Nathan walked around the corner of the doorframe. His eyes landed on the gun and he immediately held up his hands, both of which were wrapped around Styrofoam coffee cups.

"God, Nathan, I could've shot you," Audrey said, clicking the safety back on and setting the gun down again.

"Was trying not to wake you," he said, crossing the room and handing her one of the cups. "It's your day off."

"And you're here to bribe me into working with coffee?" she guessed, sniffing the hot drink suspiciously.

Nathan smirked and shook his head. "Realised something and wanted to tell you," he said. He glanced down at the coffee and added, "It safe to drink?"

Audrey took a tentative sip of hers. "Give it a minute," she answered when she felt the tip of her tongue sting. They both set their coffees on the bedside table and Audrey tucked her legs up beneath her, making room for Nathan to sit down on the bed beside her. "So what's so important you needed to wake me up on my day off?"

"I love you."

Audrey blinked; once, twice, and then a third time just to be sure she wasn't imagining this moment. Nathan was perched on the foot of her bed, and there was a perfectly natural expression on his face despite the three words that had just left his mouth. "You – you do?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yeah," he said simply.

"So you came over here at six in the morning on our only day off in two weeks, to tell me you love me," Audrey clarified.

Nathan's expression didn't change as he shrugged. "We said no secrets. I know, so now you know."

Audrey regarded him thoughtfully for a minute, and then a small laugh escaped her. "You are an odd man, Detective Wuornos," she informed him playfully.

Nathan smirked. "So I've been told." And he kissed her until their coffee was cold.


	32. Alembic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set between "Roots" and "Audrey Parker's Day Off."

Alembic: (n.) Anything that transforms, purifies, or refines.

* * *

It happened so slowly that he didn't even notice until it was too late. By the time he even realised that he'd changed, he was already so far gone that there was no going back. She'd changed him.

It started out with simple things. He came to the office a little earlier in the mornings, and lingered a little later at night. When the other officers said good morning to him, he actually responded with words instead of a non-committal grunt. Then gradually he stopped lashing out so badly; when Duke provoked him or The Chief berated him, he learned to bite his tongue instead of snapping back.

After a few weeks, the progression got even worse. Instead of going straight to his office in the morning, he'd hang around the coffee station until she showed up. He found that he wasn't quite so unnerved when the other officers made small talk with him while they waited. She would test the temperature of his coffee, and then they'd retreat into their shared office to banter over paperwork.

Then, as the months passed, the changes got even more dramatic. The next thing he knew, he was regularly going to Duke's bar for drinks and actually being civil to the guy. They'd almost become something like – well not quite friends, but at least  _acquaintances_. He didn't instinctively reject the strange possibilities that she suggested on Troubled cases. He started confiding in her, admitting things about himself and his past that he wouldn't dream of telling anyone else. He opened up.

So by the time that one Chris Brody swept in and stole her away, he came to realise he was completely and irrevocably in love with her. The man who had shut down and closed everyone out had fallen in love with his partner, and it was too late. He was heartbroken, which was a sensation he hadn't felt since his sophomore year of college.

But he was a changed man. For the first time in his life he'd found something worth fighting for, and he wasn't ready to give up just yet. He had become a better man for her, and he was determined that when she woke up and realised Brody wasn't the one for her then he would be there.

Because she had fixed him, and one day he would be there to return the favour.


	33. Ritulant

Ritulant: (adj.) Glowing or glittering with ruddy or golden light.

* * *

Nathan trooped through the thick snow, watching as the white banks broke around his boots. Even though he couldn't feel the bitterness of the winter storm, he checked that his gloves were still on securely before jamming his hands into the pockets of his coat. The last thing he wanted to deal with during the first big storm of the season was a dead body, but that's exactly what a couple of hikers had found up on the cliffs. They had marked it as an accident so far, but judging by the pensive noises Audrey had been making while surveying the body, he had a feeling it wouldn't stay listed as an accident for long.

He passed the paramedics that were hauling the frozen body down the trail to the ambulance and walked over to where his partner was talking to Officer Seddal. As he approached Alan nodded to him and then turned and walked away. Audrey spun around and Nathan found himself caught up in the sight.

Her pale face had gone red along her cheeks and nose. Loose blonde curls had escaped from beneath the fur-lined cap he'd given her months ago, creating a golden frame for her ruddy face. Glittering snowflakes had collected on her eyelashes and in her hair. As she smiled, wrinkling up her cheeks and the corners of her eyes, Nathan was positive she looked nothing short of angelic.

Audrey's smile shrank slightly and she looked at the retreating backs of the paramedics. "Did you notice?" she asked vaguely.

It was a testament to how well they worked together now that he knew what she meant by that short question. "He had the tattoo," he responded. "You think this is the Troubles?"

"Paramedic said it looked like he was frozen all the way through," she said. "Even with these temperatures, that would've taken days, but judging by the plants and the snowfall, his body has only been there for one night at most."

Nathan rubbed at his lower lip and sighed. "Alright then, looks like we've got some research to do," he conceded. "Back to the office?"

"Coffee first," Audrey cut in, rubbing her gloved hands together and blowing into them. "It's freezing out here."

"If you think this is cold, you're going to have a really rough winter, Parker," he said in amusement. She grumbled as they headed back down to the truck, but Nathan grinned slightly. He'd decided he rather liked the colours of her face when she was cold, and he was looking forward to another four months of seeing them.


	34. Furcate

Furcate: (v.) To form a fork; branch.

* * *

_When you come to a fork in the road..._

Audrey shifted her stance and looked out across the ocean, watching as the colour slowly bleached out of the sky. She was standing on the spot, standing in exactly the same place where the woman from the newspaper clipping had stood almost thirty years ago. That woman, who looked so much like her... There were so many questions in her brain, whirring and buzzing around each other like bees without a path. All of her life she'd wanted to know the answers to everything, and here was a chance to get answers to the questions of her life.

There was something about this town that set her on edge. There were mysteries and secrets around every corner, and no one seemed willing to help her find them. Was it worth the trouble to chase this wild goose theory, or would she be better off going back to Boston and the FBI? Audrey rolled her phone in her palm as she mused her options. Which path to take...?

Opening her phone, she pressed her speed dial and held the phone to her ear.

_When you come to a fork in the road..._

Duke covered his mouth with a hand, fighting to keep control of his emotions as he closed his eyes and once again pictured the black-bagged body of his wife on the gurney. She was gone. She'd died there in his arms, trying to protect him. After he'd only just recently gotten her back in his life she was swept away in a split second with one well-placed bullet. He had always felt like he had a good thing going for himself, but in one night the entire world had seemingly turned on its head. The tentative friends he'd made in Audrey and Nathan had turned their backs on him in his moment of need, and now Evie, his only solace and partner in crime, was gone forever.

He thought about the offer the Rev had made. While he'd never stood on the same side as the Rev in any situation, he was grateful for the concern the older man had shown him. It was nice to know that someone cared about what he'd lost, because clearly Nathan and Audrey had more important things on their minds. Maybe he was wrong about the Rev. After all, Evie had found a reason to trust him. He was getting desperate to find the answers he needed, and the Rev was offering that chance.

Taking a deep breath, Duke shifted his truck into drive and turned onto the road, heading toward the Good Shepherd.

_When you come to a fork in the road..._

Nathan felt his emotions pounding through him faster than he could comprehend them. It seemed like the last hour had happened in a single second, condensing all of that madness into a horrible, gut-wrenching weight in his chest. It had started with eagerness, nerves, and anticipation leading up to the moment when he climbed the stairs to Audrey's apartment. After a brief second of confusion, the predominant emotion was panic. Terror and worry had all solidified when his eyes landed on the discarded wooden whistle in the middle of the floor, turning immediately to a white-hot rage.

Now had come the moment of decision. He could be calm and rational. He could behave like the detective that he had trained his whole life to be, and handle the situation professionally. Or he could lash out. He could act out as the man who was worried for the woman he loved, which he was. The two sides of his personality warred inside of him as his hand shook. This was it.

With his head full of Audrey, he narrowed his eyes and pulled the trigger.

_When you come to a fork in the road..._

_Take it._


	35. Antipode

Antipode: (n.) A direct or exact opposite.

* * *

They couldn't be any less alike if they tried, Audrey muses one afternoon as she sits alone in her office. She should be working, making some sort of attempt to unbury herself from the overbearing pile of paperwork that has been breeding in her inbox recently, but she can't be bothered to focus on that at the moment. Instead she stares out across the bullpen to the office door she can just make out on the other side of the building, half-closed so she can't actually see the figure beyond it even though she can picture the scene perfectly: sleeves rolled up, stacks of paper spread methodically across the desk, he rubs at his bottom lip as he considers the work before him with his brow furrowed. It's a scenario she's seen countless times, until the image became firmly ingrained in her memories.

No, the part that's got her the most confused now is how often those new memories are cropping up in her other thoughts. She will be working on other things, whether it's cleaning her apartment or driving to the grocery store or even sleeping, and images like that one will suddenly emerge amid her other, more rational thoughts. Like now, for instance, when she should be filling out paperwork and is instead considering all of the ways that she and Nathan are so radically different.

Most obviously, there were the ways they were physically different. He was tall and dark-featured, with a brooding stare and a heavy presence. On the other hand, she was small and blonde, which was accented by her wide blue eyes and bright complexion. In appearance, they were night and day.

Still, the part where their differences were the most obvious was in their attitudes. She was loud and commanding, and she wasn't afraid to draw attention to herself when needed. She wasn't afraid to ask for help when she didn't have the answers, and despite her pride she accepted that there were times when she wouldn't be able to do everything herself.

Nathan, as a reverse, was withdrawn and contained. His problems were kept to himself and he didn't go out and seek the company or assistance of others. He could demand respect and authority from others, but he did it with quiet strength and power that didn't require words. Like her, he was proud, but to the point of a maddening stubbornness that made it impossible for him to back down and change his opinions until all of the facts were in place.

She was a dreamer; whimsical and open-minded.

He was pragmatic; realistic and grounded.

Really, in the end, they couldn't be any less alike.

Across the office the door opens and the moment Nathan fills the doorframe his eyes find hers. He flashes a small, lopsided smirk and Audrey returns it awkwardly before ducking her head, blushing in embarrassment at being caught. Before she can get her brain to focus on the paperwork in front of her, there's a knock on her doorframe and she composes her expression before looking up because she already knows who's standing there.

"I'm off to lunch," Nathan says, still wearing that same off-centre grin. "You coming?"

"Yeah, I could use a break from all this," she says and stands up, tossing her pen down onto the desk. Nathan grabs her jacket from the hook beside the door and hands it to her as she walks over to the door, and then they move seamlessly out of the office to their usual daily luncheon at the diner.

Really, they couldn't be any less alike, but maybe, just maybe, that's what makes them perfect together.


	36. Cicatrix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set at the end of episode 1x12 "Resurfacing."

Cicatrix: (n.) New tissue that forms over a wound.

* * *

The skin was smooth as Audrey traced her fingertips over the dark pink scar on the sole of her foot. It was clear and long-since healed, no indication of the injury that had caused it. She'd had it as long as she could remember, with no clue to what had caused it. Really, she hadn't much cared. Apart from the occasional aching in her foot after a particularly long day, it had never bothered her.

Now, though... Now it was all she could think about.

Lucy Ripley. Somehow everything in her life came back to Lucy. The woman she had never met, who no one would properly tell her about, seemed to be at once everywhere. She was the answer to every question, and yet always another question in and of herself. Who  _was_  Lucy Ripley?

Audrey's mind filled with the story James Garrick had told her. About Lucy and the shard of glass jar. The more she examined the scar, the more she found it a fitting story. The scar had the jagged edges of being cut by an imperfect blade, and one end was far deeper than the other like the object had been pressed at an angle. Garrick's story fit perfectly, so where did that leave her? How could she have the exact same scar as her mother? Was Lucy Ripley even her mother?

Trying to clear her head, Audrey took a deep breath of the salty sea air and shifted her position on the rock. She dragged a finger over the scar again and as the rosy skin creased and wrinkled beneath the pressure, the solution came to her in a moment of blinding clarity.

 _She_  was Lucy Ripley.


	37. Agemate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set sometime during season two, post-AudreyII but pre-Chris Brody.

Agemate: (n.) A person of about the same age as another.

* * *

Nathan was on the third step when a voice from behind made him pause. "Aw man, what are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Duke," Nathan replied sarcastically, glancing back at the smuggler.

"Not really," Duke grumbled from the bottom of the stairs that ran up from the Gull. "So could you go be you some place that isn't here?"

Nathan fought the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm just here to see Parker," he said.

"So am I. She texted me earlier and invited me up," Duke said, a bit smugly.

This time Nathan frowned. "She texted you too?"

Duke's smile immediately slipped. "Oh I'm not sure I like where this is going," he said and pulled a hand back through his hair. "I thought maybe she asked me up because she was finally going to give in to my charms." Nathan snorted, which Duke pointedly ignored. "Not sure what that has to do with you though."

Nathan shook his head and started up the stairs again, tired of listening to Duke's deluded rambling. Two steps up, the smuggler caught up and stayed on his heels all the way to Audrey's door. Nathan tapped his knuckles on the frame.

"Come in!" Audrey called from inside. Nathan and Duke exchanged quick, dubious looks, and then Nathan opened the door. The sight that met his eyes made him stop so abruptly that Duke collided with him from behind.

"Hey! Wha-?" Duke's confused statement trailed off as they took in the main room of Audrey's flat. It seemed like every surface had been decorated, covered in everything from glossy star cut-outs to balloons to crepe paper streamers. There was a large banner across the mantle that read "Happy Birthday" and two smaller signs beneath that said "Duke" and "Nathan" in a fancy bold script.

"Happy birthday!" chorused the dozen or so people gathered in the flat. And there in the middle, grinning like a Cheshire cat, was Audrey.

"Wow," Duke said, echoing the sentiments of Nathan's speechless brain exactly. "That was –  _unexpected_."

"That was kind of the point," Audrey said. "C'mon, we've got beer and pizza and Rosemary made a cake." Before either man could protest, they were dragged into the party.

Nathan allowed the small circle of friendly people to basically pass him around and congratulate him. It was over an hour later before he was able to grab a beer and retreat out onto the balcony to catch his breath. The grating sound of the glass door opening and a brief whiff of lilies and lilac warned him of his visitor.

"Sorry, I know you don't really like crowds," Audrey said, leaning against the railing beside him. "I've just never had friends to throw a birthday party for, and I kind of went overboard. Especially when I found out my two best friends' birthdays are in the same week."

"It's nice," Nathan said. "The party, I mean. I just needed a break. Duke and Dave are getting a bit load." As if on cue, a round of raucous laughter erupted from inside and Audrey smiled indulgently. "I haven't had a birthday party since college," he mused with a wry grin. "How'd you even know when my birthday was?"

"I'm a detective," she said with a playful grin.

Nathan smirked. "Laverne told you."

"Yeah," she agreed without missing a beat.

"You didn't have to go to all this trouble, you know?" Nathan said.

"I wanted to," Audrey countered with a shrug. "You guys threw a party for me last year."

"You mean the one where you got body snatched by a shape-shifter?" Nathan asked sarcastically.

Audrey smiled. "Well it was nice up until that part," she said with a dismissive shrug. "I didn't realise you and Duke are so close in age. Six days."

"This isn't the first joint birthday party we've had," he said dryly. "It happened every year at school."

"And he's older," Audrey said in amusement.

"Only physically," Nathan said with a snort. "He never matured mentally."

Audrey laughed outright. "Says the man with a bow on his head," she teased.

Nathan scowled in confusion and swiped a hand over his hair, and a little blue decorative bow drifted down over the railing to the car park below. "How did–?" He trailed off and shook his head. "Never mind, I know. Duke."

"It was kind of cute," Audrey said, smirking.

"Funny," Nathan replied, although he couldn't stop the small quirk of his lips at her smile.

"Oh, wait here a second," Audrey said abruptly and she turned and slipped into the house. Nathan waited, twisting the neck of his half-empty beer bottle between his fingers, until she came back out carrying a small package wrapped in blue paper. "Found out where the bow came from," she said, gesturing to the box. "Anyway, this is for you."

"You got me a present?" he asked, setting the bottle on the railing and accepting the box. "What'd you get Duke?" he added cheekily.

Audrey grinned mischievously. "Made one of his parking tickets disappear," she admitted.

"How thoughtful of you," he joked. He traced his fingers over the metallic sapphire paper until she prodded him in the arm. Nodding, he slid his fingertips beneath the folded flap on the end and pried it open. He slowly peeled the paper away, revealing a cedar box inside. Curious, he flipped the catch and opened it. Inside were rows of oil pastels in a wide array of colours, each of them perfectly shaped and smelling fresh and new.

"I thought since you like colours, you might like these," she explained a bit timidly. "Mary helped me pick them out. She said the pastels blend together well, sort of like the decoupage you do."

"These are amazing," Nathan said, brushing his fingers over the pastels. When he lifted his fingertips they were striped in different shades of green. "Thank you."

Audrey smiled shyly at the gratitude, her cheeks pink. "You're welcome," she said. Standing up on her toes, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and he felt the blossom of warmth and electricity that shot through his nerves at the touch. "Happy birthday," she said. "I hope it was decent."

Nathan smiled, touching his cheek lightly. "The best."


	38. Mumpsimus

Mumpsimus: (n.) Adherence to or persistence in an erroneous use of language, memorisation, practice, belief, etc., out of habit or obstinacy.

* * *

Nathan squinted around the bedroom and frowned. He was so certain that he'd left them on the bed this morning, but after rifling through the blankets thoroughly, they were still nowhere to be seen.

"Parker," he called in the direction of the bathroom, where Audrey's had just finished her shower. "Did you move my pyjama trousers?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry I did a load of laundry before you got home," she said, her voice echoing off the ceramic tiles. "Spilled coffee on my favourite sweater. I put your pants away in the chester-drawers."

Nathan paused and raised an eyebrow. "The what?"

"The chester-drawer," she said more loudly, thinking he hadn't heard. "That's where your other pair is."

Nathan grinned. "You mean the chest- _of_ -drawers?"

This time it was Audrey who said, "The what?"

"It's called a chest-of-drawers, Parker," he explained, unable to hide his amusement. "You know, because it's a big chest that's full of drawers."

Audrey leaned around the edge of the doorframe to peer at him in confusion, curls of damp hair falling across her face. "Really? That's weird. I always thought Chester was the guy who invented it or something."

"Sorry to disappoint," he said with a smirk, pulling his pyjama trousers from the second drawer.

"That doesn't even make sense," she said, coming out of the bathroom as she brushed her hair. "It's not even a chest. It's more like a wardrobe or a pantry."

Nathan made a non-committal noise because he'd stopped paying attention. She was standing there in the bathroom door, her skin still bright from her shower and wearing nothing but a towel. There was a familiar flurry in his stomach and he swallowed.

Audrey must've noticed, because she smiled playfully. "So, it's a chest-of-drawers?" she clarified lightly, sweeping her hair back off of her shoulders. It left little glittering water droplets in its wake, sparkling on her shoulders.

"Right," Nathan agreed distractedly. Audrey sat down on the bed and gestured him over, and he hurried to comply, all thoughts of pyjamas and furniture forgotten.

. . . Two Weeks Later . . .

"Parker, have you seen my badge?" Nathan asked as he tucked his cell phone into his pocket. Nothing made for a more frantic morning than getting called out to a homicide before sunrise, especially on their day off. It didn't help that his partner had a bad habit of moving all his things about without warning him.

"It's on top the chester-drawer with mine," she answered from the bed, in the process of lacing up her boots.

Nathan smiled to himself as he grabbed both badges. Some things really never did change.


	39. Primrose

Primrose: (n.) Pale yellow.

* * *

Nathan took the forest trail at a run, his long legs easily outstripping his back-up officers. He held his gun low and at the ready, his eyes scanning through the trees for any sign of movement. He couldn't feel his heart pounding a hole in his chest, but he could hear the erratic thumping in his ears so loudly it nearly drowned out everything else.

"Parker!" he bellowed into the trees, but there was no response except for a startled bird taking off from a nearby cluster of pines. A root caught his foot and his leg twisted awkwardly under him as the momentum drove him to his knee. Disentangling his foot, he clambered upright and took off running again. He'd never been so grateful for his Affliction before, because pain would have just slowed him down. He couldn't afford to slow down, not right now.

"Parker!" He thought he saw a figure between the trees, but when he pivoted and levelled his gun, it was gone. Shaking it off, he moved further up the path. Not far now; just a bit further... Nearly there... He had to be nearly there now...

The trail abruptly opened into a large clearing, a rectangular barn perched in the centre. Its wooden sides were bleached and warped by time and weather, and the windows were so stained by nature that it was impossible to see through the tinted glass. It would have seemed entirely nondescript, were it not for the fact that the building hadn't existed the last time Nathan had visited this place.

After a quick visual sweep of the area, Nathan ran for the barn. The heavy door whined as he heaved it open, letting out the smell of warm earth and stagnant air. His eyes immediately trained on the slumped figure in the middle of the dirt floor. "Parker!" Lowering his gun, Nathan raced to her side. She was curled hap-hazardly on her side, her shimmery top and hair streaked with a fine layer of earth. The sunlight streaming through the dirty windows cast a dull yellow light over her, giving her pale skin a sickening tint.

"Parker," Nathan said, shifting her gently onto her back and swiping her tangled hair back from her face. He pressed his fingers into the curve of her neck and let out a sigh when he felt the faint but steady thrum of her pulse. "C'mon, Parker, wake up."

She had to be okay. He knew what this barn was, or at least had a good idea. This was the place where the Other Audrey had gone and come back without her memories. It had vanished, but it was back now and that had to mean something. Was that what had happened to his Audrey? Had they Wiped her too?

"No," he growled out loud, tucking his hand around the side of Audrey's face gingerly. She was so cold; Audrey was never cold. "C'mon, Parker," he cajoled again, sliding his other hand up and down her bare arm to try and bring some warmth back to her skin. "Wake up; you've got to wake up."

Audrey groaned weakly and Nathan felt sure his heart had leapt into his throat. That had to be why it was suddenly so hard to breathe properly. "Parker?" he said tentatively, swiping his thumb across the streak of mud on her cheekbone.

Audrey shifted and then groaned a second time. Blearily, her blue eyes opened and panned around curiously. Her gaze seemed oddly unfocused, and Nathan fought back a wave of nausea as that distracted look turned to him. What if she didn't remember? What if she wasn't his Audrey anymore, the one he had known these last two years? He had never been a praying man, but for the hundredth time in the last twenty-four hours he let out a frantic plea.  _Please, let her be okay._

"Parker, you okay?" he asked, trying – not completely successfully – to keep his voice calm and steady.

"Where am I?" she asked, her voice cracking and making her grimace. She scowled and lifted herself up on her elbows before returning her gaze to him. "Nathan?"

Nathan couldn't stop the breath of relief that whooshed out of him at the sound of his name on her lips. She was fine. She was still Audrey. Without warning, he pulled her into his arms and held her against his chest, burying his face in her dusty hair and breathing deeply. Audrey seemed surprised, but she wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled her head into the hollow of his shoulder.

She was all right. They still had no idea what had happened, or who had caused it. There would surely be repercussions, and they were anything but safe. But for now, she was by his side again and unhurt. Everything else they would deal with later.


	40. Diapason

Diapason: (n.) A full, rich outpouring of melodious sound.

* * *

Nathan was a whistler.

It wasn't something Audrey would've ever expected when she first met the stoic and silent detective. In fact it fell into the category of things that she would never expect him to do under any circumstance. Even two years later, when she had gotten to know him better and to understand the softer side beneath his tough-guy façade, it still came as a shock to her.

The first time it happened, she thought it must have been a fluke. She wandered into his office at the end of the day to find him scouring through files and whistling to himself under his breath. For a moment she had only been able to stare at him in confusion. Then she cleared her throat and said, "Did someone put a little extra sugar in your coffee this morning, Sunshine?" Nathan had given her a sarcastic smile, the tips of his ears slightly red, and then changed the topic.

After that she started to catch him at it on random occasions. Sometimes it was his office when he was wrapped up in paperwork. Other times it was in the morning when he was waiting in his truck to pick her up for their shifts or to go to crime scenes. The few times she dropped by his house, she usually heard him doing the same. He always stopped the moment he noticed her, and any time she asked him about it he diverted, but she felt like she was on the verge of uncovering some new hidden secret about her partner.

As time went on, she started to hear it more often. He really was rather good at it as well; he never whistled those silly childish tunes that she knew, but complex, soothing melodies that she couldn't place but that she liked the sound of. When they had been working together for more than two years, she sometimes heard him whistling quietly when they were collaborating over paperwork. They caught each other's eyes and he smiled, but didn't stop. She thought that must be a step forward.

He was whistling when he came to pick her up for their first date as well – their first proper date, since their original first date had gotten a bit interrupted by her being kidnapped and all. The longer they dated, the more she heard him whistling. He would be whistling at his house when he let her in to have dinner together, or when they were relaxing together – or more often working on paperwork together – in front of the fire in his living room.

They had been together for about six months when he finally gave her an answer to why he whistled. "It helps me clear my head," he admitted over a homemade dinner at his house – he turned out to be a spectacular cook and they were Audrey's favourite meals. "It's something my mom taught me when I was little." Audrey suddenly understood why he had been so reluctant to talk about it; his mother was a soft topic that he rarely brought up even in passing. "She used to whistle the songs to me all the time. When I got older they helped me calm down, reminded me of her. It helps me keep my stress under control."

"Does being with me stress you out?" Audrey asked, half-teasing. "Because you whistle a lot when we're together."

Nathan's lips slanted in his characteristic lop-sided smirk. "Well you are a magnet for trouble," he pointed out playfully. "But that's not it. Thinking of my mum, it makes me happy." He reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, his fingertips lingering along her cheek, fixing her with one of his intense, genuine stares that made her heart leap in her chest. "And so do you."

After that Audrey never questioned him again about his tendency to whistle. She learned to tell whether he was whistling out of stress or out of contentment, usually by the tunes he whistled. And every morning when she woke up to the sound of Nathan whistling from the kitchen, she would snuggle down into the pillows and smile, knowing she was the reason.

 


	41. Disbosom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Magic Hour: Parts 1 & 2.

Disbosom: (v.) To reveal; confess.

* * *

The whole world came to an abrupt stop in front of her eyes, making her waver on her feet. She had been moving, running, racing for so long now. No breaks, no rest, because if she stopped then it would all come crashing into her and become real. And she had never run harder than today. Since the moment Duke's truck had pulled up to the cabin and she'd seen Tommy's frightened expression and that body in the grass. And she'd known, she had just  _known_. So she'd run and fallen to her knees and cradled his head in her hands, refusing to believe this was real.

Not Nathan.

Not again.

Then almost immediately she was up and running again. Running from the truth. Running for one last hope.

Because she had saved him once and damn it all if she wasn't going to do it again.

And so she keeps running, for him, from one desperate chance to another, because she has to. Because he's the only reason she has to keep running at all anymore.

Except it doesn't work. After all that effort, all that pain, all that  _running_ , it's over. It's come to an immediate standstill and it all catches up with her in a blaze of pain. Weeks of agony, of pushing him away, of doing it alone. All of it was supposed to keep him safe. But here he is. Dead. Gone.

"I was the one that's supposed to... I was supposed to go."

Because all of this was to keep him safe. She had pushed him away so he wouldn't be hurt when she disappeared. She was supposed to protect him, so he wouldn't die like the Colorado Kid. Like everyone she – and Lucy and Sarah and whoever the hell else she'd been before that – had ever cared about had died. And she'd failed. It was all for nothing.

She grabbed one of his hands in her own, begging for him to feel it. For him to squeeze back. Because she would do anything to save him. Anything to bring him back. Back to her.

And that's when the real truth hit her. The real secret that she'd been running from all this time. The truth she hadn't been prepared to face head on, because it was too much. Too strong. Too terrifying. Too real. It hit her like a blow to the head, enveloping her, suffocating her, until it spilled from her mouth among her choked sobs.

"I've always loved you. I always  _will_  love you."


	42. Potvaliancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minor spoilers for "Magic Hour."

Potvaliancy: (n.) Brave only as a result of being drunk.

* * *

Sixteen.

Audrey stared sullenly into the glass of opaque liquid in front of her, trying to remember why that number was significant to her. It wasn't the number of martinis she'd had, was it? No, that was more like seven. Eight? Something like that. Either way, it wasn't sixteen.

So why did the number sixteen keep floating to the front of her mind? She took another sip of her extra dirty martini and the fog in her brain shifted just slightly. The Hunter. That's why sixteen was relevant. It was her timetable. She had sixteen days left. Sixteen days until she disappeared for another twenty-something years. Only sixteen days.

Audrey felt her stomach churn unpleasantly and she pushed away the rest of her eighth – ninth? – martini. The alcohol wasn't what she wanted anymore. Now she needed air. She stumbled as she slid down off the stool and had to cling to the bar until the world stopped pitching underneath her feet. Once she was steady enough to walk she left the Gull. The stairs up to her flat were a bit of a challenge but she finally collapsed onto one of the wooden benches on the patio and let herself breathe deeply.

How many more chances would she have to do this? To just stare out across the ocean and breathe in that familiar salty tang? Listen to the rumble of voices from downstairs? And Duke's booming laugh occasionally breaking through as he bantered with his regulars?

What about Nathan's laugh? How long had it been since she'd heard that? Would she hear it again before she left? He didn't seem to even smile much anymore, let alone laugh. Come to think of it, neither did she. She didn't do much but worry anymore. Worry away the last of her days.

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't she be normal? There were so many things she wanted to do that she'd never done. Things that she would forget in sixteen days. Silly little things, like when Duke said he would take her out sailing and teach her the ropes. And she still owed him that dinner date from months back. Nathan was still teaching her everything she needed to know about being a small town cop, like the places the teens liked to sneak off to and have parties, and which of the usual troublemakers that they didn't actually have to hurry to when they were called on them. Or at least he had been before. Before she found out her like was a time bomb.

God, she missed him.

They still saw each other at work, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't her Nathan anymore. He was cold. Detached. Silently angry. The way he'd been after the Chief had died. Was he mourning? Grieving her before she'd even gone? She wanted to comfort him, but how could she when she was the problem?

Why couldn't she just stay?

"Parker?"

Audrey jumped at the voice and glanced over her shoulder. Nathan was standing at the top of the stairs, looking uncertain. When he met her gaze he suddenly frowned, that familiar look he got when he was worried, and she realised her cheeks were damp. She hastily wiped them with the backs of her hands.

"Nathan, what're you doing here?" she asked.

"Came to see how you were holding up," he said and burrowed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "It was a bit of a rough day."  _That's an understatement_ , Audrey thought ruefully. "Are you okay?"

Her default response was ready on the tip of her tongue, but a combination of the alcohol and her partner's piercing blue eyes made her slip. "No."

Nathan's eyes widened in surprise at the sudden honesty but he didn't comment on it, just walked over and dropped into the spot beside her. "Want to talk about it?" he asked casually.

Audrey didn't miss the fact that this was the most normal they'd been in weeks. In the morning she would blame it on the martinis – if she remembered it at all. But the truth was that she missed talking to her partner. Even if he wasn't technically her partner anymore but her boss, he would always be her partner in her mind. She missed telling him everything, and his attempts to help her understand even when he didn't. And most of all she missed having him there, with no walls between them.

"I don't want to go," she admitted thickly, and as she did she realised it was the first time she'd ever said it aloud. The truth that had been always on her mind but that she could never say before she was being brave; being strong for everyone else. Just like that, it all broke free. "I don't want to leave Haven. I don't want to lose everything I've got here. I have a home and friends. This town already took my son from me. And his father – I don't even know who he was. I don't want that to happen again, to forget everything. Everyone. The Chief and Eleanor. And Duke. And you. God, Nathan, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to disappear."

Nathan put an arm across her shoulders and she fell instantly into his embrace, letting the pent up anxiety of the past few weeks wash over her. She buried her face in the front of his shirt – it smelled of pine and amber and Nathan – and curled herself as close as she physically could into his side without climbing into his lap. Nathan wrapped his arms around her, one on her waist and the other hand cradling the back of her head, fingers tangled in her loose hair. He didn't try to calm her or shush her, just held her against his body as she finally let it all escape.

The sun had set by the time she had calmed, but she lingered for a few extra minutes in the comfort of his arms. Nathan was the one who finally drew back, cupping her chin to make her look up at him. His gaze was intense as he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, and he waited until she met his eyes before he spoke.

"You're not going anywhere," he said certainly. It wasn't said like a belief, like he was trying to convince someone. He said it like a fact. A promise.

"Nathan, you don't–"

"No," he cut across her firmly. "I don't care about the Hunter or fate or what they say is supposed to happen. I'm telling you it won't. I'm not letting you go."

Audrey stared up into those storm-blue eyes, the ones fixed on her like she was the only thing that existed in the universe, and did what she'd wanted to do for so long now. She hooked a hand around the back of his neck and dragged his face down to hers, crushing their lips together desperately. Nathan gave a small moan into her mouth and returned the kiss with fervour, his fingers tightening their grip on her hair to bring her impossibly closer. It was only the overwhelming need for air that finally separated them, although only just.

"Nathan," she breathed, her warm forehead pressed to his cool one. Her hands were still on his neck and his was lost in the depths of her hair. She took a deep breath –  _pine and amber and him_  – and felt her throat constrict with emotion. Sixteen days; only sixteen days left with this wonderful man. She had to tell him. Tell him now what she'd only ever been able to say when he'd died. "Nathan, I–" She choked on the words, her heart hammering in her throat, and glanced up into his eyes. To her surprise, he was smiling.

"I know, Parker," he said, stroking her cheek fondly with his free hand. "Me too." And then he reclaimed her lips.

In the morning, she would blame it all on the eight – nine? – martinis. But when she woke up that next morning ( _fifteen days_ ) tangled securely in Nathan's arms, she wasn't complaining.


	43. Gibbous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for "Sarah" and a bit for "Thanks for the Memories."

**Gibbous:** (adj.) convex at both edges, as the moon when more than half full.

* * *

 _Well there would be no hiding the truth any longer_ , Sarah thought as she surveyed her reflection in the full-length mirror. Turning sideways, she smoothed down the front of her nightgown and studied her profile. She had gotten by easily enough for the last few months, but the days of hiding behind loosened dresses and claims of the flu had clearly passed. It was time to face the town rumours and admit the fact she had only confided in her closest friends, the Teague brothers. She was pregnant.

It wasn't that she was ashamed of it. Honestly, that couldn't be further from the truth. She already loved her little baby and she would do everything in her power to make sure it was happy and healthy. Besides, she was a feminist, she didn't believe that there was anything wrong with a woman raising a child alone. To hell with the judgemental eyes of the old-fashioned townsfolk. She wouldn't be any less of a mother to her precious child. Sarah ran a hand fondly over the gentle swell of her stomach. Nothing would make her take back that glorious afternoon on the beach, with that beautiful, mysterious man.

Sarah flushed at the very thought, in much the same way she did every time Nathan filled her mind. She had never felt such an instantaneous and unwavering attraction to another person. It wasn't a purely physical thing. He was a good looking man, but she had known plenty of attractive men. Doctors and soldiers, that green grocer from her hometown with the dearest smile.

But with Nathan it had been so much more than that. There had been an inexplicable  _pull_. Something in his eyes had made her pause, instead of turning around and heading right back into the hospital. Those eyes - intense blue-gray like the sea in the height of a storm - had gone straight through her barriers and locked onto something inside of her. Despite the fact that she had never met the man before, his gaze had wrapped her in a wave of comfort and familiarity. It had felt  _right,_ like coming home after a long time away.

They had always said her insatiable curiosity would get her into trouble one day. Pregnant and unwed, in a town of magic and madness, and with the constant mystery of the woman Margaret who looked just like her, Sarah had to admit they may have had a point.

Not that she'd have it any other way.


	44. Aureole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any dialogue errors, I'm at work so I can't watch the episode again to check them. I'll come back and fix it later, but I just wanted to get this posted.
> 
> Spoilers for 4x04: "Lost and Found." Seriously, like real spoilers. If you've not watched it, you should probably skip this chapter. It'll still be here when you come back, I promise.

**Aureole:** (n.) any encircling ring of light or color; halo.

* * *

You hesitate on the threshold. You can't do this. What are you thinking? This is insane. Just jumping off into that misty whatever? No, you are not going to just fall out of this place and into that mess of multi-colour fog.

You turn back and look at the bar, the place you've considered a home for the past few months. It's silent and empty apart from William, so unlike the typical thrum of energy and activity that you're used to. And there's the holes, those gaping black holes that are eating away at your reality. What are you supposed to do? You can't stay but you can't go.

You look at William - this mysterious, charming stranger who knows so much more about you than you do yourself - and he gives a soft nod of encouragement. "You take a leap of faith," he supplies. No irony, no sarcasm. He's being sincere. He really expects you to just throw yourself out into that.

You glance through the doorway again and on the other side you can see an opening. A distant rectangle of white amid the roiling mass of colour. The outside, you realise. That's the world, the real world that exists outside of this bar. That's your destination. The place where you will go and get a whole new life, a whole new identity and person. God, you're not ready for this. To just let go of who you are on a wish and prayer. Self-preservation flares into life again and you flick your eyes back to William.

"Who will I be out there?" you ask, because you have to know. Are you going to be yourself? Or one of those people you've apparently been before? Or someone entirely new?

William smiles at you fondly and not for the first time you wonder who he is to you. Who is this man who knows your life? Who looks at you with such earnestness? "Whoever you most want to be," he says simply.

Score one for self-preservation then. You nod and face the open doorway again. On the other side you can see figures outlined by the light; two further back but one directly front and centre. The closest one is the silhouette of a tall, lean man, one hand clutching the frame as he leans inward. Is he insane? Leaning in toward this madness?

"Audrey!" The man's voice reaches across the void and you feel something in your chest ache. There's so much pain and longing in his voice, mixed with the hope of a dying man crawling to an oasis. It's pure desperation of the heart and it strikes up the same in you. The emptiness in your chest that you've tried so hard to ignore, passed off as restlessness and discontent, hums along with his voice. "Audrey!"

And suddenly you know who you want to be. You want to be the woman this man wants so badly, the woman who is the object of such blind and unfailing love. The woman who doesn't have this horrible aching hole in her heart,. The man in the doorway is your saviour, a figure wreathed in beautiful golden light, calling you home.

Self-preservation be damned.


End file.
